Feeling Like A Loser

 Yesterday I wanted to make a post about how things went down but wasn't really in the mood. Especially after having to recall that fair incident. To sum it up now,  I spent the day at the school library doing listening exercises. A few hours into the day my acquaintance/friend came (voluntarily, asked by my teacher) to talk with me in English. I talk to him about EU4 and the Commonwealth campaign I was playing then*.
 Teacher herself comes in a bit later to do some actual exercising with me and try to motivate me for the following assessments. Then the day's over and I go home.

 Then comes today, when I actually go to the assessments. I do the listening one and, as I would later on find out, got a 9.70/10 for it, and the speaking one, for which I got a 9.40/10. It's not enough to get me into the nationals, and even though my teacher is happy with the results, I'm still pretty disappointed. I have only three more shots at getting to the finals and if I can't manage to get into the nationals at least once I can hardly imagine myself keeping up with putting bread on the table as an English teacher, let alone an author**.

 I suspect that I'll actually have to catch up with the #%@*ton of lessons I've missed doing this training, which is already a bothersome thought.

 To add insult to injury, I've spent the entire afternoon "building" another Commonwealth in EU4 only to get into the same Russians-Ottomans vs Me quagmire. Posting a screencap of my previous PLC*** game, in a very similar situation, on the eu4 subreddit got me one almost instant downvote, which made me reflexively delete my post. I won't bother re-uploading it and I'll just assume that I'm more horrible at this game than I should be.

 At the end of the day, this is who I really am. A devastatingly short-attention spanned freak with no friends that will always end up on the second, third, fourth, etc. places even when trying my best. God help my psychologist because she still has no clue how unsalvageable I am.

 Memes are the only thing keeping me alive, man.

 ___

 * - A screencap of which is in my last post. I had to scrap it because Muscovy turned into Russia and by no way in hell was I going to continue to deal with the Ottomans and Rooskies.

 ** - I could still theoretically become a lawyer if I go through with the cutting ordeal. 

 *** - Polish-Lithuanian-Commonwealth