It's happened

  I went to that confession and I butchered it real good.

 It's over, I failed everybody, even God. I never asked for this, but it happened anyway.

I wish there was an end to the darkness.

MOTIVATION

 Left me.

 And it's been replaced a really bad case of apathy too. It took me outrageously long just to type the three sentences you've read this post and just feel like doing nothing else but laying in bed. No dosage of dank memes seems to help.

 I guess the thing that factored into this most is that my father told me I'm going to confess for Easter and from how things look there's no escaping it. I'm really frustrated about this because there's no way I'm confessing half the degenerate **** I used and in some cases continue to.do, and I'm only going to feel like a fraud after doing that. You're also kind of supposed to not sin after you confess, but I'm kind of going to do that regardless because of my previously mentioned apathy which I can't seem to have any control over. Rapidly losing the little that was left of my faith doesn't help either.

 It's just going to be a huge mockery of religion I'm not comfortable with and I really wish I could avoid it, but accomplishing that seems unlikely.

INSPIRATION

 I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING SINCE YESTERDAY BUT I FINALLY FEEL LIKE WRITING.

 I'm thinking about starting a new series that will concern the pre-space history of my Stellaris empire and writing it in parallel to my first story.

 BUT REGARDLESS I'M ACTUALLY MOTIVATED TO DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE FOR THE FIRT TIME IN MONTHS.

 HIGH ENERGY!

I DID IT - THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN

 I SUCCESSFULLY COPIED, PASTED AND EDITED MY STORY ON DEVIANTART. I CAN FINALLY CONTINUE IT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LITERALLY MONTHS.

 AND BEST OF ALL I'VE ACTUALLY DONE SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE THIS SPRING BREAK.

Mini-update

 Just like in my previous post I'm fighting an epic internal battle to hold onto a bit of motivation that I've found in the past few minutes.

Pic related is my clinging onto it in hopes I can channel it into something productive.

  Moving onto another topic, it appears that my spring break has been extended by another week, which means that the Monday I go back to school is the day when Stellaris is released. I can't say if this is a good or bad thing - But I'm not complaining about extra free time.

 A newly emerging problem I seem to face when I try to bring myself to write that damn story is the fact that it will obviously have to tackle religion intensely at points because the protagonist is a paladin/holy warrior. I've had only increasingly more trouble trying to reconcile with my faith (as much as I'd like to succeed) and I'm one pretty sinful degenerate. Not "Sexually-assault-girls-without-any-sign-of-remorse" or "Obese-unemployed-basement-dwelling-anime-fanatic" degenerate, but it's still pretty bad (and one could argue I'm rapidly approaching some form of the second).

 I guess that's all I wanted to say. Even though I just wrote an entire paragraph on how much I don't feel comfortable about what my story concerns, I've successfully managed to keep that motivation and actually feel like writing more of it, but not before I take a break after this post.

It's been really long since I wrote, and rediscovering the urge to write more feels actually magical.

 I'll leave you with this.

Still not dead

 And I have a small flicker of motivation I'm currently trying to blow into to turn it into a fire like my life depends on it*.

 Long story short, I'm browsing some website when I stumble upon a writing-related thread (I wasn't going out of my way to find one), and some guy said that after he tried checking out a few popular webcomics, he thought that he could write something better than fanservice and cheap storytelling. As bitter and petty as I sound by writing this, but writing what that guy said made me share the sentiment - I can write something better than trashy romances or stories built upon the works of other authors that are so plentiful around the internet. I can make engaging settings and living worlds for my stories to take place in. Being antisocial, I assume I'll have trouble writing characters, but looking at the things written by those that share my age it's safe to say I'm in the upper percentiles even there; Even if I'm not, practice makes perfect, doesn't it?

 I guess that' everything personal I wanted to write about this post. When I was busy not writing anything here I made a DeviantArt account which I copied half of my (incomplete) Wattpad story to and then suddenly stopped posting there (Reason why being stated in my account's journal).

I named the account after an excessively minimalistic art-style I'm trying to develop and failing terribly. I'd have posted a picture of what it's supposed to be like, but I'm absolutely terrible at drawing with a mouse and I can't get a drawing table because none are probably sold in the city and due to current circumstances.

 Oh, yeah, remember that spark of motivation I mentioned earlier?

 It got snuffed out.

___

 * - Maybe it does. Each day I'm not writing is missing the chance to push the domino that could make me a professional writer in the future.

Back From the Opera

 It was just an hour and a half of various musical segments from interpretations of Shakespeare's work. Almost all of the vocals were in Italian, and I didn't understand half of the only song in Romanian because of the singer doing your average opera "WOOooOoOo0o0o0O0o0O00O0oOOO0oHHHHHhhhhhh"s.

 And apparently I was marked as an absentee for being late to the FCC earlier this day.