It's happened

  I went to that confession and I butchered it real good.

 It's over, I failed everybody, even God. I never asked for this, but it happened anyway.

I wish there was an end to the darkness.

MOTIVATION

 Left me.

 And it's been replaced a really bad case of apathy too. It took me outrageously long just to type the three sentences you've read this post and just feel like doing nothing else but laying in bed. No dosage of dank memes seems to help.

 I guess the thing that factored into this most is that my father told me I'm going to confess for Easter and from how things look there's no escaping it. I'm really frustrated about this because there's no way I'm confessing half the degenerate **** I used and in some cases continue to.do, and I'm only going to feel like a fraud after doing that. You're also kind of supposed to not sin after you confess, but I'm kind of going to do that regardless because of my previously mentioned apathy which I can't seem to have any control over. Rapidly losing the little that was left of my faith doesn't help either.

 It's just going to be a huge mockery of religion I'm not comfortable with and I really wish I could avoid it, but accomplishing that seems unlikely.

INSPIRATION

 I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING SINCE YESTERDAY BUT I FINALLY FEEL LIKE WRITING.

 I'm thinking about starting a new series that will concern the pre-space history of my Stellaris empire and writing it in parallel to my first story.

 BUT REGARDLESS I'M ACTUALLY MOTIVATED TO DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE FOR THE FIRT TIME IN MONTHS.

 HIGH ENERGY!

I DID IT - THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN

 I SUCCESSFULLY COPIED, PASTED AND EDITED MY STORY ON DEVIANTART. I CAN FINALLY CONTINUE IT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LITERALLY MONTHS.

 AND BEST OF ALL I'VE ACTUALLY DONE SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE THIS SPRING BREAK.

Mini-update

 Just like in my previous post I'm fighting an epic internal battle to hold onto a bit of motivation that I've found in the past few minutes.

Pic related is my clinging onto it in hopes I can channel it into something productive.

  Moving onto another topic, it appears that my spring break has been extended by another week, which means that the Monday I go back to school is the day when Stellaris is released. I can't say if this is a good or bad thing - But I'm not complaining about extra free time.

 A newly emerging problem I seem to face when I try to bring myself to write that damn story is the fact that it will obviously have to tackle religion intensely at points because the protagonist is a paladin/holy warrior. I've had only increasingly more trouble trying to reconcile with my faith (as much as I'd like to succeed) and I'm one pretty sinful degenerate. Not "Sexually-assault-girls-without-any-sign-of-remorse" or "Obese-unemployed-basement-dwelling-anime-fanatic" degenerate, but it's still pretty bad (and one could argue I'm rapidly approaching some form of the second).

 I guess that's all I wanted to say. Even though I just wrote an entire paragraph on how much I don't feel comfortable about what my story concerns, I've successfully managed to keep that motivation and actually feel like writing more of it, but not before I take a break after this post.

It's been really long since I wrote, and rediscovering the urge to write more feels actually magical.

 I'll leave you with this.

Still not dead

 And I have a small flicker of motivation I'm currently trying to blow into to turn it into a fire like my life depends on it*.

 Long story short, I'm browsing some website when I stumble upon a writing-related thread (I wasn't going out of my way to find one), and some guy said that after he tried checking out a few popular webcomics, he thought that he could write something better than fanservice and cheap storytelling. As bitter and petty as I sound by writing this, but writing what that guy said made me share the sentiment - I can write something better than trashy romances or stories built upon the works of other authors that are so plentiful around the internet. I can make engaging settings and living worlds for my stories to take place in. Being antisocial, I assume I'll have trouble writing characters, but looking at the things written by those that share my age it's safe to say I'm in the upper percentiles even there; Even if I'm not, practice makes perfect, doesn't it?

 I guess that' everything personal I wanted to write about this post. When I was busy not writing anything here I made a DeviantArt account which I copied half of my (incomplete) Wattpad story to and then suddenly stopped posting there (Reason why being stated in my account's journal).

I named the account after an excessively minimalistic art-style I'm trying to develop and failing terribly. I'd have posted a picture of what it's supposed to be like, but I'm absolutely terrible at drawing with a mouse and I can't get a drawing table because none are probably sold in the city and due to current circumstances.

 Oh, yeah, remember that spark of motivation I mentioned earlier?

 It got snuffed out.

___

 * - Maybe it does. Each day I'm not writing is missing the chance to push the domino that could make me a professional writer in the future.

Back From the Opera

 It was just an hour and a half of various musical segments from interpretations of Shakespeare's work. Almost all of the vocals were in Italian, and I didn't understand half of the only song in Romanian because of the singer doing your average opera "WOOooOoOo0o0o0O0o0O00O0oOOO0oHHHHHhhhhhh"s.

 And apparently I was marked as an absentee for being late to the FCC earlier this day.

What better way to start the day...

  ...than being late for school and ending up walking around the city for two hours because of it?

  Because of the way our "Alternate School" schedule is structured, school starts later than usual - Today by one hour, at 9:00. Knowing this, I remained in bed for what I thought was an acceptable period of time, until I hear my phone and get up to get it when I see that it's only ~15 minutes until I have to get to school. My mom was calling, who would normally be home to tell me when I should get ready for school, but for some stupid reason, today she was out shopping for food at a nearby supermarket. I brush my teeth and put on my clothes as usual, and don't hurry because I know I'm going to be late anyways.

  I leave the house and meet her on my way to the bus, and she gives me a chocolate she bought - which I didn't even eat because I'm trying to lose weight. I keep heading for the station until I get a text saying that everybody has to be at school by 9:20 when the class will be leaving for the French cultural center*. This extra time would've been enough for me to reach school in time had I not missed the bus I was supposed to take, thus delaying my arrival by a few crucial minutes, but you'll see later in this post that I don't really care about this whole incident.

 When I do reach school, I phone one of my colleagues to see where the class was, and he tells me the location, and I head there only to see that nobody's around. I phone the kid that sent me a message earlier, and he tells me what they're two zebra crossings away. I miss the green lights and have to wait for them, losing me a few more minutes. By now I'm just cluelessly going where I'd guess my class is, and phone the classmate I phoned first, but I can't hear a word of what he's saying even though my phone was at max volume.

 I try to find the building, and the next two times I try to phone the two classmates they don't respond, which makes me think they were already in the building and couldn't respond because the teacher might confiscate their phones.

 I give up and decide to go back to school, where I met a classmate which I presume was also late and that didn't even bother to try finding the location. I ask her if the class will be doing any activities other than watching an opera play in the evening after this, she says no, and I decide to walk around the city for two hours before going home so my mother won't grow suspicious about me skipping class**.

 Then I reach home, engage in some generic internet procrastination and write this post.

 This evening class is going to an opera play concerning something I haven't been able to make out save that it's about segments of Shakespeare's work. If this country's teachers' tastes are anything to go by, I'm betting my two cents that it can be summed up as "BEST VINE COMPILATION 1598 [GONE WRONG] [GONE SEXUAL]"

 ___

 * - I think it's supposed to be some sort of embassy, but more useless?

 ** - I kinda did, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't marked as an absentee and also lost weight by doing exercise. Win-Win

I'm still alive.

 Though there isn't much to talk about.

 This week there's this "Alternate School" event that happens in our country where kids still go to school, but instead of doing regular classes they engage in certain activities that may or may not have learning as an objective. Sounds good in theory, can be applied disastrously in practice.

 My school has done an okay one so far. Doesn't beat just staying at home and browsing the internet, but it will do.

 PS: It appears mom has calmed down and I can resume my regular computer browsing - Expect the regular number of blog posts from now on.

It's over 2: The overing

 Turns out that suddenly I'm having my PC time reduced, though not completely.

 Apparently mom was in the mood for another schizotypal* fit of hers - She got angry at my little brother because his tablet's power outlet was broken (not by any fault of his own, but she refuses to believe that), and, as she always does, started yelling at me too and told me that from now on I'm not staying on my computer for more than 3 hours during school days. Then she goes into the usual threats (that she will no longer cook for us, etc.) and then leaves us alone. This basically means that I have way less time to update this blog, which is why it will drop in activity from now on.

 Also related to the subject - Today I googled how to take care of my own personal hygiene, and was actually ashamed to find out about all the things I was supposed to do and didn't. My parents didn't tell me that I should do any of that, either. At least I'm going to be clean from now on.

 I could go on and on about my parents - but I'd like it better if I did that in a specific megapost which should come up soon. I'm just going to end saying that it sounds like they're negligent, but believe me, I wish I had apathetic parents that would let me do everything in my rhythm. My parents are authoritarian in the most useless domain, and they give off the impression of negligence only because they neglect what's actually important for a kid my age. Worst of all is that they believe that what they're doing is the right thing.

 I'm just going to sum them up with the following C.S. Lewis quote:

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”

 Needless to say, I'm not getting Stellaris anytime soon because of mom's recent fits.

___

 * - From what I've searched on the internet, this would appear to be her condition. I'll have to talk about this with my psychologist next time just to make sure this is true.

When you finally have the motivation to write some stuff and then you hear your mentally ill mother go into paranoid ramblings and lose all of it.

 We need some backstory here.

 It all began shortly after waking up, when I walked down the stairs to see (more correctly hear, because the TV volume was a bit too loud) my mom watching the news. The show proceeds to report about some conflict that happened in the opposite corner of the country and then plays footage of people fighting one another. The footage is louder than the presentation before it, and worried that our neighbours might hear it and wonder what the hell is going on in our house, I tell my mom to turn the volume down - I should've stopped there - because our neighbours might hear.

 She then tells me that I shouldn't care about what our neighbours think*, etc. , to which I respond that I care about my future. Big mistake.

 She doesn't bother me for half an hour after I said this, but then she proceeds to present me her fantasy world where everybody she doesn't like is corrupt or a pawn of my grandfather, said puppetmaster grandfather resorting not only to employing people across the city but also to witchcraft all in order to keep her down**.

 There's nothing I can do about it. I've been specifically avoiding telling this to my psychologist, because what's there to do, really? She could call child protection services to take me away or something, but that means losing my internet access, and you probably underestimate how much I love my internet.

 I end this post with acknowledging the fact that from now on this blog will no longer have qualms about presenting the dark stuff in my life.

___

 * - If you're thinking that she made our family look like a bunch of lunatics with this attitude, you are correct.
 ** - This is what she seems to believe, as much as I wish I was making this up or exaggerating it. See where I'm coming from calling her mentally ill?

On Stellaris

 With Stellaris pre-orders being up since yesterday, I decided it's finally time I talk about this game, why I like it and why I'm probably not going to get it.

 First - Basic features. The game puts the player in the control of a globalized* civilization that has just discovered faster-than-light travel. From then on you'd expect it to go on like the average 4X** title, but it doesn't.

 First is the thing that's sold me from the start: Extremely varied customization possibilities. First, you can choose the ethos (ethics) of your empire, which come in four spectrums - Militarism/Pacifism, Xenophobia/Xenophilia, Individualism/Collectivism and Materialism/Spiritualism. You get three points to invest in these ethea, but once you pick a side in a dichotomy the other is instantly blocked from being invested in. For two points, you can make yourself a "fanatic" in an ethos. This picture presents the system better than I can with words:

More info here

 Once you pick your ethos, you have to choose your empire's government. Your options will be reduced or increased according to what ethos you have chosen in the previous stage. To cut it as short as I can, there are three main "categories" of government - Democracies (Available to empires that have not chosen collectivism as an ethos), Oligarchies (Available to empires that are not either fanatically individualistic or collectivistic) and Monarchies (Available to empires that have not chosen individualism as an ethos). Then, there are five main "flavors" - militaristic, religious, secular, pacifistic or basic. The following picture should clear up the image:

More info here

 I guess I should've started with this first, but regardless the player also gets a very rich assortment of species to choose from. Here's a list of all portraits -  A lot of art even before you take into consideration that there are different "races" of these alien species and possibly even different sprites for different genders. Congratulations to the Paradox art team for the effort.

 Last, and least interesting but still considerable customizing stage for me is picking your race's traits. I'm just the sociology > biology kind of person.

 You might have noticed that I have not talked about any concrete gameplay at all. If you wanted gameplay, you've regrettably come to the wrong place, because I don't really care tbh. All I want from this game is to be able to make my own special snowflake race and make it rule the entire galaxy by playing on the easiest difficulty. I'm also that kind of person.

 That said, the game costs 40 yuros here in Eastern Europe. I have 24 days to acquire the money for pre-ordering or else I will forever miss my chance at 5 exclusive alien portraits/species. I know this sounds really petty and stupid but I also happen to really want those irrelevant portraits. I'll probably have to settle for asking my parents for the money and going turbo with learning for school once spring break is over***.

 Background information being given out, let's present the empire I came up with so far:

 Irsaid Hegemony: 

 (Ripped off Heavily inspired by Persia and Iran)

 Traits: Sedentary, Slow Breeders, Adaptative, Intelligent

 Ethos: Individualist, Militarist, Spiritualist

 Government: Theocratic Oligarchy

 Backstory: Nothing too stuffy as of yet. I've got the basic outline of a relatively large but sparsely populated nation that exponentially grows to superpower status due to discovering nuclear power and weaponry - This allows them to reinstate a theocratic oligarchy of their Zoroastrian-y religion due to no longer having to fear crippling sanctions from other democratic nations. A century and four nukings later they make every other nation their dominions - hence the "hegemony". This is then followed by a slow process of administrative centralization around the capital of the "starting" nation.

 Culture: Again, nothing too stuffy. Even though the government is theocratic, people of different religions and political standings are left alone as long as they fulfill their mandatory military service.

 I plan to play my first game with these guys - A slow, RP-focused grind of conquering/colonizing every planet in a 1000-star galaxy. Just my kind of game.

___

 *-                                                 

 ** - Xplore, Xpand, Xploit, Xterminate. Don't look at me like that, I don't make the names.
 *** - Oh, yeah, spring break is here. Yay?

Blog Overhaul

 Tbh it's been becoming clear to me that my posts here are unchecked, immature messes with some horrible wording to boot, all of which really needs some fixing. To this end, I'm going on a mini-revamp of my posts consisting of intensive proofreading among other things. A more professional font should also do.

 Not too much else happened today. I planned on writing a post on why I'm super excited about Stellaris and what civs I've come up with so far for future campaigns. Alas, that is escapism for another day.

End of a Journey

 I finally finished another behemoth of an EU4 campaign, which resulted in a glorious empire for the Polski by a surprising performance on my behalf.

 I am now going to post disgustingly poor quality pictures of my results.

 Here's the map of Europe:

 Pretty satisfying overall. In an alternate timeline of this alternate timeline, I wouldn't have completely mishandled my war with the Ottomans and failed to kick them out of Greece.

 Religions:

 Protestantism was going extremely strong in this game and would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling Poles. It was, though.

 Culture:

 All in all I made Constantinople Polish, and that's what really matters.

 Dynasties:

 I have a personal union over Genoa, hence the Jagellons there. No idea how they got into Spain, but the more power the merrier.

 The rest of the world isn't too wild, save for the Americas. Check this out:

 Portuguese North America, Spanish Canada and French Brazil. The best thing, though:

 
 The USA are a monarchy. Lel.

 Bonus:

 Holy Roman Empire.

 No Roman Empire. This is not Napoleon, but it'll do.

 

Pretty much dead in my tracks

 It's been fun being a global superpower and all, but the end date of 1821 is pretty close and at this point any territory worth getting is guarded by some annoying turboalliances - France is allied with Scandinavia and the Ottomans, who are allied with Venice, and everybody in the HRE bordering me is allied with one of the formerly mentioned superstates.

 I did conquer Constantinople and successfully culture-converted it to Polish, and even got a lucky personal union with Genoa - Yes, I did get loans totalling about ~13k ducats to get as many mercenaries as possible, but I defeated the frogs* and secured that sweet spot in Italy; They can only be integrated after 1822, which is after the game ends. Talk about a pyrrhic victory.

 My final goals are to conquer the Balkan parts of Venice and maybe try and get the rest of Greece to fulfill the fantasy of a beautiful big red blob splattered over half of Europe.

 With EU4 out of the way, I can say that not much happened IRL since yesterday. That's all.

 ___

 * - No discriminatory connnotations intended.

Literally Unstoppable

 I've reached a point in my eu4 campaign where I'm just maintaining a reign of terror over most of Europe. Half the continent wants to be coalited against me and they still won't be able to take me down before the AI decides it's a better idea to leave me alone. I've also wrestled away Russia's best regions in their moment of weakness - Notice the territory penetrating inside it. Only Kebab can stand up to me and once they fall I'm the king of the continent.

2edgy4u

I TAKE IT ALL BACK!

 Turns out I didn't have to be such a whiny prick - I resumed playing today and not only did I manage to snatch one (1) region from the Rooskies* (Yeah...), I intensely expanded in the HRE. Eventually, Spain dragged me into a war with Kebab** when I wasn't too high on manpower. Despite this, I completely obliterated the Otto armies 300-style (I assume it's the army tradition I got from events). Yet, because Spain was leading the war, the war score I would normally get from devastating kebab went to the Siesta-ites***. I got myself two regions back, lost from an earlier war while some very fortunate Greeks in the Adriatic have been freed from Turkish oppression to enjoy an unemployed life paid for by South American**** gold welfare, courtesy of Polish heroism.

Original content donut steal

With some luck, I can get what Spain spares me of the Balkans and culture-convert Constantinople to Polish - Which isn't so wildly out of place this campaign. Seriously, the historical inaccuracy is crazy; I'm going to make a future post with in-detail screenshots of everything.

___

 * - No discriminatory connotations intended
 ** - See *
 *** - See **
 **** - Spain hasn't even colonized South America this game, I'm just memeing.

Story of my life

 You're playing a grand-strategy game loosely based on the renaissance, enlightenment early modern periods and you're having great fun playing the time's equivalent of a superpower. It was absolutely dominating its area when you were playing another nation, even conquering territories that interested you for RP regions - You want to do that, and maybe go beyond what the AI wasn't capable of doing.

 You start playing it and everything works swell, though you've got two dangerous neighbours, strongest nations in the game, they've recently broken their alliance in favour of rivalling one another and possibly declaring war later down the road.

 At some point opportunity strikes when one of those superpowers gets into a war with other nations that are friendly to you. Not having the patience to get called into the war by the belligerent allies, you declare war yourself on the superpower. You go wrong a lot, but it's okay because you can always close the window and try moving your armies in different directions in hopes of better results. You slowly but surely make your way through the war with the strongest and most notoriously broken power of the game until you don't any longer.

 The enemy gets into your territory, even some random revolt event happens as they do*, and the AI of your friends strays too far from each other's battalions and get picked off one at a time until it's time for your troops to get destroyed the same way.

 You surrender, giving some provinces of yours in the process. You conclude that you've invested multiple hours of the day into another failed campaign, and then reality kicks in - You're playing this game to escape life. To escape the reality of your mentally unhealthy family. To escape the reality your failing grades. To escape the reality that you're having a big assignment to finish for Monday and haven't even touched it. To escape the reality of the fact that you've been promising an acquaintance of yours to watch anime and talking with him about it for two weeks now. To escape the reality that you have no friends. To escape the reality that you're daydreaming about stories most of the time you're not on the internet but are unable to write them when you get home.

 tl;dr - I lost a war against the Ottomans in EUIV and am contemplating my current situation like the whiner that I am.

___

 * - They poetically got butchered by the Ottomans, though, so there's that. Never thought I'd feel so much schadenfreude for some random virtual AI.

All I wanted was to be civilized :^(

 Seeing that I had my manpower at over its cap and that Bohemia started hating me because they became proties*, I decided this was a ripe opportunity for me to conquer Prague and be able to westernize my nation for free once the region stops having separatism.

 Now pretty much most of Germany** hates me so much they united their forces against mine. I have to nimbly navigate my way out of this situation by sending diplomats flying everywhere or face the consequences.

 ___

 * - Protestants. No real hate to RL protestants or anything, they're just a nuisance in the game if you're Catholic.

 ** - "Holy" "Roman" "Empire"

Got a pretty lucky game so far

This looks like a really promising game!

Oh, wait.

Nevermind2: Electric Boogaloo

 I'm back from the conference, and it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be that post. The first half consisted of a psychiatrist telling the audience about depression, how it functions, how it affects different demographics, etc. in a PowerPoint presentation (Not making this up).
 I noticed that they didn't use sources for certain numbers at points, but beggars can't be choosers, I guess.

 The second half was held by the priest which I erroneously referred to as a "fanatic". He seemed okay, although his half seemed boring compared to the first and was sometimes contradictory to it, which made me lose interest about a fifth through.

 I didn't really learn anything different from this, but my father, who came with me to it, seemed to, which is a huge plus.

 Overall, it was pretty good and not as bad as I expected it to be. 

Nevermind

Life is still garbage.

I had to get up earlier today because this being a religion-focused school and all we have a 30-min mini-mass taking place before classes, which start at 8:00.

Getting up earlier must have made me slightly more retarded today due to what I did in English class today, but first some backstory and justification for what I've done before I even recount it:

There's this kid in my class that's almost a textbook gopnik - Unintelligent (not exaggerating), unnecessarily violent (not exaggerating), resorts to violence when confronted verbally because he's unable to come up with an intelligent response (not exaggerating) and most likely smokes cigars/does drugs. Let's call him subhuman #01, because, let's be fair, this isn't as hyperbolic as it might seem.

So one recess last week subhuman #01 gets out of his school desk, and for no apparent reason goes to a girl that's browsing her phone and grabs her by her vagina. No reason. No personal vendetta against the girl. No signs of intent. Just straight-up sexual assault.

I didn't have any personal relationships with that girl either, but I was still absolutely disgusted (it sounds like I obviously should be, but society's different here). Maybe I subconsciously feel more protective of her because she's smart and talented, unlike some other facebook-browsing machines in my class, but that's it.

I really regret not telling about this event to our form teacher. I actually planned to talk to this with my psychologist, but that's for later in this post. In my defense, there's probably no proof of this event happening and it's already been a while after it happened. Don't get me wrong, I do want subhuman #01 to answer for literally committing sexual assault, but I let this occasion sour. Next time something like this happens it's off to the first teacher I can find.

Now that that's over, let's get back to what happened today:
Subhuman #01 comes in a few minutes after English class starts. Forgetting for a second that this isn't the internet and that our form teacher is in the room I tell him that "the gas-chamber's there" pointing in some random direction. Teacher hears this and cringe ensues*.

In the following English class, we do an exercise in  where we have to discuss 4 types of food presented to us in pictures. One of those pictures happens to have two people cooking it, and I decide I can redeem myself of the previous cringe by joking about how the people are actually one of the foods we're supposed to talk about. Teacher didn't enjoy it and more cringe ensued.

 Then English is finally over and we have IT class. We have some sort of test-thing in which kids gather around the teacher's PC so she can put every kid to do various things in Word and Powerpoint and grade them accordingly.

 I just happened to change my computer's background to this wonderful pic:

 This was part of a sort of mini-war between me and some other guy that keeps changing my Trump backgrounds. I can see how I'm obnoxious by changing it back to Trump-related stuff, but I couldn't turn down the trolling opportunity. Seeing how I had to move my chair near some other computers for when it's my turn to do some assignments, I decided to double down on my background changes and actually began to change as many backgrounds to that picture as I could.

 I eventually got noticed by my classmates, which was basically the point of what I was doing. They were most likely laughing at me, not with, but I got the kick I wanted out of this, so I'm fine.

 I also got a 10/10 grade that class but that's irrelevant when I can just brag about being an immature and cancerous prick.

 Everything calms down after that, except for one last and most important thing regarding my psychologist. Turns out that today she had some career-related things to do and couldn't do more than a 30-minute session with either me or some other girl. I decide not to be a jerk and let the girl have it (Seeing how high the chances of her having already been assaulted subhuman #01's long-lost brethren she probably needs those consultations more than me).

 I'm pretty sad about this because I had a lot of things to talk about - Including that sexual assault incident. She's basically the closest thing I have to a friend and out of all the ~130 something hours I spend awake in the week we only meet for one.

 I come home and waste about 40 minutes failing as Poland in EU4 and continually restarting as Milan to get Austria and Hungary to rival Venice so I can get a good early start in forming Italy. In the only good start I got for the latter Venice ended up destroying my army as Austria and Hungary were busy with Savoy.

 This made me angry, as one can imagine, until my head started to hurt. Enough was enough and I wasn't not going to let a game damage my health, so I gave up for today.

 Now my parents want to force me to go to some stupid presentation held by some Orthodox fanatic** concerning depression. Not only isn't it going to help me with my depression (if I even have it), but my mom wants to come with me which will only make me look like a total retard in public too.

 All I want is just to stay on my computer all day and fantasize about playing Stellaris because I'll never really get that game anytime soon.

___

 * - I am NOT making this up.
 ** - Only slightly exaggerating

Dayum

 Turns out that no grades were shown that meeting so I'm clear for the near future.

 I was actually so happy to realize my parents wouldn't take my computer away that I actually learned for school for probably the first time this semester. I will might just get out of this quagmire before spring break because I'm just smart but lazy and get Stellaris when it's out.

 Two birds with one stone, if I may say so.

It's over

 Sadly, today school is organizing a meeting with the student's parents today. My mom will probably find out about my bad grades and she'll take my computer away.

 Maybe she won't, but I'm typing this in advance so anybody reading this knows why I stopped making posts after this one.

 This blog isn't over, obviously, and I'm going to make an update as soon as I get the chance. But for now I'll have to deal with no longer being able to escape real life on the internet.

tfw you have more Steam games on your wishlist than in your library

 For reference I have 5 games in my library, absolutely none of which have all their DLCs.

Not Dead

Yet.

 Last three days were pretty eventful but I'm only bringing myself to write about them now.

 Thursday went sour quickly. Two classes in and we take another Romanian test which was completely not about what I was told it'd be - My classmates told me that it would be about "Eminescu* and Romanticism", so I guessed that I was going to have to explain why his work can be considered part of the artistic movement. When I took the test itself it turned out I actually had to know a poem written by him and explain how that poem is related to romanticism.

 Needless to say, I will be getting a 2/10 for that empty paper, which combined with the 4/10 from the lecture test forces me to get at least an 8/10 in the near future to stop failing at Romanian. Gr8.

 Afterwards, we were supposed to have Latin but our teacher was missing that day so our form teacher supplanted her. We held a lesson whose name I won't bother to translate in which basically the form teacher of a class teaches his/her students to behave and organize their class, etc.

 She dedicates most of the time to talking about how to relocate some overly talkative kids so that they stop chatting when a girl suggests to her to seat her boyfriend/friend/whatever next to her. I tell the teacher that they're going to talk even more than before if they get next to one another because they're in a relationship. The girl replies that they're not - Even though they kiss and hug every. Single. Recess.

 This happened to bring my teacher to tell me that she logged on Facebook a day before the events which I'm describing took place and told me how the first thing she was was an "embarrassing" post made by me. Given the context, I thought she was referencing a comment I made on a facebook post made by the previously mentioned couple. The picture was the two of them laying in bed with the guy sleeping and the girl taking a picture, to which I commented "enjoy getting pregnant lmao** ***" - in English.

 However, later that day it came to me that she might have seen a more recent post of mine, regarding my unjustly lowered conduct grade; The text was something along the lines of "When your conduct grade is below 10" - Again, in English - With this video attached.

 Then the image of a lady in her 30s watching in terror as an Asian man that might blow his brains out any second while edgy audio is heard in the background for extra effect pops up into my head. Cherry on top, since I'm going to an Orthodox Seminary****, so you can imagine how that kind of teacher would feel about this all*****.

   

 Friday followed, which was remarkable due to the single fact that I actually slipped a pretty ugly swear while talking to some classmates about my Romanian test during religion class (I don't normally talk during classes btw). It happened to be loud enough for the teacher to hear me.

I don't want to go into what happened afterwards******.

 And then school's over and I get to spend a weekend doing absolutely nothing but killing time.

 I'm a really cringy guy, am I not?

 ___

 * - Extremely famous national author. Most of his poetry can be summed up as "tfw no gf" so I'm with him in that regard.

 ** - I may sound jealous of them, but I'm not. The girl has baggy eyes and is literally unintelligent - She once asked what "virtue" means in one class. Not in the profound way. We're in 9th grade.

 *** - I may also sound like a prick, but the two really don't strike me as the kind of people to use birth control. I like to think that I stopped someone from being conceived that day.

 **** - I'm in a philology-oriented classroom, though. Guess I'll have to explain how Romanian education works at some point. 

 ***** - I don't deliberately go around traumatizing people if this paragraph seemed to imply otherwise. She didn't seem too shaken up by the video so I don't regret anything tbh.

 ****** -Nothing too bad really. The teacher lightly scolded me and then left me alone. I really hope my form teacher doesn't find out about this on the other hand.