Darkest timeline

 It looks like Obama's legislation finally went through. None of my frequented websites seem to be down yet, so we'll see what happens.

 I woke up to this and to my mother rambling to my little brother things he can't understand about her imaginary US which appears to be in a constant state of civil upheaval.

 So this is what it's come to.

(PUT ME BACK TO SLEEP)

Worse than previously assesed

 The memes are in peril.

 Trump's campaign is on fire (in a bad way) and by tomorrow Obama will have likely handed over the internet to the UN where member states of it can block websites that they contain content against their interest. This includes my favorite Taiwanese Forum.

 And if that's the case, then there'll be no more memes and no more discussion with people I shared a mentality with. All I'll have left is buying DLC for my Paradox games and struggling to make poorly-drawn art.

 Don't even need antidepressants for feeling like sticking a fork in an outlet.

Pixel flop

 Today is Friday, the first day according to my inclusive definition of a weekend in which I have ample time to make pixel art which I may not use to the fullest potential for reasons within and outside my control.

 But this time I was really set on making a drawing and not blowing away this weekend like I did with others. I had a picture of a 1800s-looking army defiling under a symbolic, small Triumphal Arc, idea that took root in light of my recently finished EU4 Byzantium/Rome playthrough.

 And this was all the progress I could make in an hour:

MSpaint refuses to let me resize this without skewing the shape of the pixels and I'm not resizing it in GIMP because I still plan on finishing this.

 I had a lot of trouble with the small enclosures at the base of the arc which are meant to surround some flower patches should have been round but I couldn't bring myself to make them look curved from that angle and the march leader's pants were a nightmare to give some passable proportions.

 I should really pick up on the hint that art is not for me.

RIP right leg

 Another streak of unhappy occurences today.

 I wake up, and contract the muscle of my right leg for whatever reason - it's a habit of mine. It gave me a really nice nerve cramp that made me emit audible ouches and hurt for hours afterwards.

 School went somewhat fine despite this. Our math teacher returned my maths textbook after grading a homework I completely forgot about - We were given the option to give her our textbooks to be assessed if we completed our homework during the extra time there was to spare once she finished her lesson. I managed to give her my textbook in hopes I'll get an easy grade, and my textbook was returned with a 9/10 for my homework. Permission to use our textbooks while doing this homework basically allowed me to spoonfeed myself the formulas to solve the exercises given and I got to skip a test so this is a neat plus.

 But that was pretty much the good about this school day. English class came and there I found out that I could've just used Power Point Online to make my project all along. I was never explicitly even told if I got my 1/10 or if I can still make my project. Though I wasn't going to let the form teacher leave the class without presenting her my wonderful art performance which was intended to serve as the first slide of my project.

 So I ask my weaboo acquaintance to show her it, because I've sent it to him on Facebook along with a request for a free download link for PP (He provided me with the latter but by the time I remembered my request to check the chat it was already too late to make the project) and I only own a cellular that can do little besides making calls. She seemed to exhibit authentic anger at this. An overreaction, unless she has seen some of the more esoteric pepe and wojak memes out there on the internet.

Only hardcore memer gods will recognize the picture this snippet originates from.

 Or maybe she was upset I wasn't taking this too seriously. In which case she's not been paying attention to me or I've changed significantly since the last school year. Either could be the case, honestly. The memes and family issues are getting to me. Or possibly she's of Turkish descent and that picture bit deep.

 I regret nothing of this, though.

 I do regret what followed but I think it was still a good exercise in damage control.

 After the first English class, instead of continuing with our regular schedule of another English class and a Dirigency class teacher decided to walk the class to a book showcase/festival/event that happened in the town. I planned on a sneaky escape from this in the process which was rapidly foiled by me misstepping in a way that bent my ankle in the classic spraining position and my weaboo acquaintance (Let's nickname him "Jooto" because that would be the Japanese equivalent to his name according to some hurried internet translating I did) trying to herd me back into the crowd after he gathered that I was obviously trying to leave it. I suppose this caused me to hasten and I made a run for it when we came close to a forking in a street, but I was slow enough for my class to notice me and Jooto caught up to me and tried convincing me to return. I tell him he can tell my teacher I left, and I try to make my way to the bus stop where I would take the bus to drive me home. On my way I begin being nervous about the likelihood of my teacher having called my parents to inform them of my escape or she planning to mark me down an absence in the class catalogue (Which can be a cause of concern if they add up).

 And since going home would have only gotten me only deeper in trouble, I connive a brilliant masterplan to get myself out of this mess - I call my teacher and tell her I only left because I forgot my phone at school and I had to get it, and that I am now on my way to the festival where I'll meet the class. I can't recall exactly if her voice was relieved or still stressed - (She's technically responsible for my well being) but she basically just repeated the word "Okay" and then repeated the fact that we'll meet there. By this point I was long regretting the fact that I've taken the woman on such an emotional rollecoaster.

 I get to the festival/event, which was pretty empty desolate, and especially free from the presence of my classmates, to get told by one of my classmates I can leave whenever I want. So I loiter around for a bit for good form and then get out of there, for one last long walk to the bus stop and a subsequent but shorter walk from where the bus drops passangers off closest to my house to my house itself. I've not even succeeded in finding out if I've been marked as absent or not.

 But my parents were placid when I got home, which leads me to believe she's not called them. And I still got home earlier than I normally would've today.

 Which is all I could've asked from this day. Who knows, I might do the few details I overlooked in some previous pixel drawings with the energy I've preserved through a 6-hour school day or make a whole new one so that none of it goes to waste.

Oh hwell

 I finally amassed what energy I had to delegate it to making that project that was given to me as English homework.

 It amounted to this:

Dank OC do not steal

 Which was meant to be the first slide in the presentation. After having finished this I began searching up for a free download of Powerpoint or an alternative thereof. Turns out that a paid subscription really is the only way one can get the application. Outdated versions of PP weren't available for free for whatever reason. Thanks, grubby Microsoft.

 I guess I'll have to come to peace with that 1/10 grade I'm going to get. Not that I risk actually failing at English. The upside is that when somebody sees this post after browsing this blog in a future where it's gone inactive after I've kicked the bucket from a stroke he might risk getting a chortle out of this picture.

 I've also FINALLY finished my EU4 playthrough of my imported Byzantine Empire. I ended up deliberately forming the Roman Empire on 1 January 1800 for symbolic purposes and then I waited for the game to end. I had to do some tag switching a few times to assure that Russia does not upset the balance of the perfectly aesthetic borders belonging to what's left of a sovereign Europe.

177X. Didn't bother to look at the image's title more closely before uploading it.

1800

1821, game's (traditionally) final playable year.

 I tried downloading the save converter to Victoria 2 and setting it up, which worked smoothly up until the latter half where Vic2 starts up normally insted of showing me a converted map of my game when I select the converted save as my mod. A few blanks to be filled during the conversion process seem to hint that I need the Heart of Darkness DLC for my save game to port correctly.

 So I guess I'll have to feed the Paradox DLC machine. Again.

LOWEST ENERGY

 You were meant to smash the darkness, Dohnald.

I WANT to support you fam.

 Today was a pretty bad day to be honest. And it started pretty well, too.

 First highlight was (the) English class(es) (My class has two of them two days a week, same as last year). Today our classmates were meant to start presenting their PowerPoint presentations about langauges which I deliberately refrained from making. This will be important in a sentence or two - By either initial intent or a redress, the students that haven't yet finished, started or sent their projects still had time to finish their work until the next time we will have English class - Which will be Thursday.

 The first project presented was EXECRABLE. It was written in such a way that one though the stereotype of a foreigner that is barely capable of stitching together a phrase in English incarnated for about twelve minutes. I doubt it was even acceptable for 10th grade standards. It was so bad I actually feeling remorseful about not making my project after seeing what the rest of my class gave the impression of being capable of executing in comparison to what I could do. This was before I was informed the deadline hasn't passed.

 Other projects are presented, and they were miles apart from the first. One even reached levels approximable (though maybe a tiny bit worse - But let's not get complacent) expression to mine. Then I am notified that there is still time to start my project, and feeling extraordinarily energetic (It was a really, really out of place high. If you teleported me home to my computer that class I would have sat down and gotten working on my homework pronto) I pick up my original flirt with the idea of making my project about the Georgian language. After the class finishes I even eagerly announce my teacher of my entusiasm with a sentence similar to the following paraphrase "Blah blah blah I hate myself, but you've issued me a challenge, and I'm going to bust a massive monster project that will rock the socks of anybody that will be present in the class during my turn to present*"

  And I was really, genuinely, earnestly, sincerely, authentically**, pumped-up buzzed to make it. Until very late History class, when a huge blow was incurred on my high energy. Once the lesson was done some exchange between a nazi-sympathizing classmate*** and my history teacher results in my history teacher calling a far-right dictator that has led my country during the second world war a criminal.

 I was still in the "I am le epic bantster" sentiment due to my high energyI rhetorically ask my theacer "How was he a war criminal? Did he blow up ambulances full of babies?" Having faint recollection of what the Geneva convention forbade, damaging of ambulances being among one of the prohibitions.

 He gives me a face similar to this (.jpg compression included), but maybe a bit angrier (The dictator sent minorities to death camps after all):

Meme magic at work. Not in my favor.

 I manage to briskly clarify that all I know about his crimes is his participation in the holocaust, which I obviously find reprehensible, but I didn't consider that a war crime because it could have happened independently of the war. He told me that in that case participating in the Holocaust would've been considered a crime against humanity (And implicitly that because it happened during a war that makes it a war crime). If that's wrong - which it sounds like it could be - that's probably because he was pressed to answer other questions asked by other students.

 I've mitigated most damage but he probably still thinks I'm a nutter or at least partly mentally disabled.

 Fun fact about this teacher: he seemed to be close to a classical liberal when he revealed his powerlevel on time during an earlier class (He's one of the teachers that I called "truth-pilled" odd posts ago. I will clarify most things regarding this subject in an upcoming post about "powerlevels"). Might contribute to his perception about me from now on.

 This was a really embarrasing event, and I just felt ashamed all the way to home. Then I was apprehensive about how Trump did in the debates and was rectulant to open my computer and access the polls.

 And yes, he's dropped. Not by a huge margin of campaign-compromising size, but he still blundered his chance of safely securing presidency.

 The guy's not really the optimal Trump the memes and I would like him to be (He'd be an adequate president. A disastruous dictator - Which is more of the character I'd like in a leader but less of what is actually important in the democratic world order we live in) but the social reform he'd indirectly usher in would tilt the future away from a world where a lone 30-year-old me that works only to pay his internet connection and maybe purchase a game here and there is forced to go out and socialize by government-funded social rehabilitation programs.

___

 * - The last part is very nearly verbatim. Le cringe, c'et moi.

 ** - That's about how many synonyms for "legitimately" I know

 *** - He's not even one of those /pol/ nazi sympathizers that have some images compiling data from some more or less obscure sites to prove a point saved up somewhere for internet debates. I probably know more about nazi policy than him. He's probably in it just to be cool. But he's not a thuggish skinhead so it's not that I care, he'll probably grow out of it anywyas.

T3h Db8s

 Today Daddy Donster is going to take on Hillary in the presidential debates. Sadly the time which they are broadcasted happens to be from 1 AM tomorrow onwards (That is, very early morning), so I'll have to watch a recording of it instead of a stream.

 I was pleasantly surprised to see that Trump has spiked in most polls.

It was weighing around 54.5 in Trump's favor earlier. Eh, will still do.

 I can only hope Trump doesn't commit any grave faux pas in the debates. Ultimately why I care most about this election despite not inhabiting the US is that any social trend that emerges in the West eventually ripples into this country's society. Which would be a ripple of nationalism if Trump wins, or a ripple of whatever progressivism is hot in large urban centers.

 And I'd take the people surrounding me priding themselves over the nothing that there is proud to be about of Romanian heritage than have my head "acquainted with the pavement" for disagreeing with some anarchist thug within the next 10 years.

 Do it Dohnald.

LET THE GRADES HIT THE FLOOR

 Guess this will be as impelled to write this post as I'm going to get today.

WAKE ME UP INSIDE

 One small thing I forgot to write about in my last post is that the first grade I got this class year is a bad one and I'm soon going to be struck by another.

 More precisely, the first time our psychology teacher did the classly oral quiz he picked me and, through a combination of having simply skipped learning for the class and my notes on the lesson being very incoherent I candidly tell him he can rest well giving me a 2/10 because I know nothing from the last class*. He insists that I at least answer a few questions about the penultimate (and first) psychology class from which I did actually keep a few bits of information memorized - Enough to be able to respond to all the teacher's questions correctly. This landed me a 4/10 and a comment from the teacher sincerely saying what a shame this was.

 The bad grade I'm going to get on the other hand is at English class, where teacher told us that either in teams or alone we were to make a project about an European language of choice on the occasion of some day celebrating language. I even forgot if it was made up either by the EU or by the UN**. She asks every child in the class in turn what other children he will collaborate with and I denied the offer when it was my turn. She goes on and noticing that all children are participating in this I come to the conclusion that this might actually be a graded project instead of a voluntary one and ask the teacher if we did get graded for it. She confirmed this and I stood silent as she continued to ask the last children about their projects. I probably should've said something more than the very short response which indicated that I wills tick to my "I can take bad grades at this class"*** attitude, something along the lines of "okay" - Or suchlike.

 On the flip side, we took our initial test for English this Thursday or Friday, I think. In contrast to other initial test, which are there just for a pure evaluation of how much knowledge we've retained since the previous school year, this one was graded, but I breezed through it as I often do with English tests, until the "writing"**** section of it came up.

 We were meant to advertise a product, fictional or physical, which we - at least theoretically - possesed, describe its function and give some (obviously fictious) contact information on how to purchase it.

 My thought process when it comes to these compositions (Outside a competition or important test like the Olympiads or a Cambridge examination) is:

 "Does the theme given concern something I'm interested in? If not, can I cleverly contort the given solicitation to write a snarky and passive-aggresive text?"

 I certainly didn't care about some contrived gadget. It also seemed difficult to write this passive-aggresively and not be excessively crude at the same time. I want to frustrate my teacher through some witty abstinence from conformity (Demeanor she's come to expect from me), and the "suicide-a-tron" isn't the way to do that.

 But I put my mind to it and stuck it through to a very naughty and spicy text that shouldn't also get me expelled.

 It was an advertisement for a product called the Medpen(tm),

A nod in acknowledgement of certain speculation

 a syringe designed to resemble a pen from a reasonable distance, which could be used during formal or informal meetings to administer drugs that would prevent the user from convulsing or unwillingly engaging in other noticeable actions stimulated by disease. As the text progresses the revelation is made that the text is being written from the perspective of Hillary Clinton. It ends with her disclosing the price of such an item, which I erroneously wrote down as "a measly ten thousand grand" but did not rectify because it was a mistake that only added to the joke.

 Whatever happens, I really hope she doesn't inform my parents of this.

 Another funny thing that happened at school was Friday, when during IT class I decided to fold the directory shared between all the classes with an empty folder named "Information that will lead to Hillary's indictment" - Which was simple - I just had to make the folder, copy it, and press ctrl+v without releasing for a few seconds. Bam, directory full of an entendre that Hillary has something to hide. A directory full of a double entendre that could be interpreted as there not being information that could lead to Hillary's imprisonment as the folders are empty. A triple entendre that could be interpreted as Hillary having already gotten to the folders to empty them. Devilishly witty layers of esoteric naughtiness. The IT teacher didn't get me that time, but I better cool it with the spice or she might another.

 These two occasions were the first, and possibly last times I'll bring up Hillary in a public context. And damn if it wasn't fun.

 Final note of this post, I really busted this weekend. It was the double XP weekend on Runescape and I barely did anything because I'm so sick of the grinding, and I planned on drawing at least some pixel art in the late-night time I could use to the fullest in weekends since I don't have to sleep early for school. I ended up only playing more EU4.

Map of my campaign in 1568, around the time I had a personal union with Andalusia (Green in Iberia) and Pomerania (Geen in the area of where Prussia would be and the Netherlands). Yes, I did cheat to get those PUs by switching to those nations and killing their monarchs with vacant succesions, But I still don't regret my act for one second. I'm sparing France and England for a little while more so that they can set up colonial civilizations that will make for a more engaging Victoria 2 export. I'm currently in the 1660s and will supply a new screenshot of my progress possibly soon.

___

 * - Path of least resistance. I'm a really, really, low-energy person. SAD!

 ** - When I say "turbid memory" I mean it.

 *** - I genuinely can. Test take up the brunt of the grades I get at English class, and I never get a grade below 8/10 on those. On my finals - very hastily written due to an urgent and ill-timed need to go to the toilet - I was graded a 9/10.

 **** - Both schools I was to attempt to imitate Cambridge tests and their stages in our assessments, exactly because we need Cambridge certificates to get in high school. Luck smiling on me I got a C2 when I was a more autistic and less schizoid version of myself at 13 years of age.

One game more ~ Another game, another destiny

 I finally got through my first full-length Crusader Kings II campaign as Busy Antium.

Justinian would nod.

 Though - I admit, I cheated. If I were in a war where I could not afford victory, I would cheat myself a sum of tops 10 thousand gold that would boost me through it, which I affectionately dubbed "Jewgold" - Endearingly acknowledging the influence those of Jewish descent held in the medieval banking industry as their faith did not forbid them from practicing usury. I refused to cheat myself more than 10k gold because at that point I might have just typed "Integrate_<territory I want>" in the console and strip the game of any fun it might have been.

 I  fought back the Seljuk invasion that the players are urged to face in when assuming the role of Byzantine Emperor in 1066.

 That Emperor died ten days into the game. But his successor successfully repelled the Muslims. From then on I begin attempting to conquer my way in the balkans to accumulate forces which I would later use against the Muslims. After having completed this goal, I advance onto Sicily where I claim a few provinces before deciding to take up the Crusade once a Kingdom of Jerusalem has sprouted in the heart of the Fatimid Empire (A dynasty which was later replaced by the Vahids). I keep crusading, crusading, crusading (Crusadin' Makes me feel good) until I establish the borders in the former Muslim world that can be seen pictured above. In the later half of the game, one of my vassals declares war on a weakened Jerusalem (Formerly Sicily before I usurped the title of said Kingdom, leaving the south Italian king only with the crown of Jerusalem in hand) - Which held territory including the north of modern-day Libya, remaining provinces in southern Italy and a chunk of the Levant itself.

 My territories in the north-eastern steppes are another tale. Some absolute maniac actually usurped Cumania, and with it that long strip of territory. He went on to wage terror on the Slavic peoples west of him giving him even more territory.

 Normally, the Mongols should've invaded at some point, but I turned their invasion off because I was still doubtful of my ability to wade through the intricate intrigue of a large feudal empire (Turns out all there was to swim through was a thin concoction of knowing when to kill the right character that causes trouble and asking the Hebrews to lend you some money in case a revolt tears the realm in half).

 Earlier in the game I accepted my vassal's demand to switch Imperial succession to elective. I agreed, because I did not want to bother myself with another riot when there was land to blob into. In the long run it was a poor choice because in the very last century my vassals would have a penchant for choosing heirs other than those of my dynasty until my very last ruler of the Doukas dynasty. Having been elected as an already old man and with an another aged Doukas being the only member of the dynasty with a viable chance of becoming Emperor, I decided that there is a point when one has to accept he is on the wrong side of history, sit down, and let the gale of history blow in its desired direction.

 And that direction was the Skleros dynasty. Which only managed to fit one ruler in the remaining timespan the game allowed me to play.

 But I planned on Making Rome Great Again beyond the constraining frane of a mere thirty-decades-short-of-four-centuries. And that would be through the Save Converter to Europa Universalis IV DLC.

 Don't look at me, I (more correctly, my parents, with my consent) unwittingly bought Windows 10 (At an overinflated price, too) not knowing I can't pirate on it without technological literacy.

 And, at the time I first considered the purchase, that DLC was actually on sale. My parents were out in town and happened to call me, so I exploited this opportunity and asked them if they can get me a Paysafecard. My mother - Who I was having the conversation on the phone with - Told me she will definitely try. My parents come home without a card, my father telling me because he had no clue how to operate the machine that dispensed them. Missing the sale didn't sit well with me because I had already previously been on a streak of bad financial choices related to gaming and this was just another check on the tally.

  Still, my mother got it into her head that she has promised me a paysafe, so she will get me a paysafe. She some time in each of last two days searching the city for them when she finished work but told me that all the machines she found seemed to be broken or that they didn't work. That seemed odd, and I assumed that she simply was mistaken on how to work them. I was already guilty that I was using my mother like a metaphorical pack mule despite all the harm she's done within or outside her agency - I told her multiple times she did not have to go all for that paysafe.

 Today I decide to go get myself a paysafe and see if the machine nearest to my house really is broken, and mother was willing to follow me and see if I she was simply unsure how to operate it.

 Turns out she tried putting money in the machine while it was still on the purchase confirmation screen, instead of when it did initiate the money-recieving process. Well, I get myself that paysafe.

 My conscience's not extremely strained because at least I did overtly tell mother I did not want her to go through this. But still, not cool to exploit psychologically sickly people.

 Oh well. I've given in and fed the Paradox DLC machine.

I also kept my technology as high as Imperally possible. Of consequence, the only other nation that belongs to the Western technology group in this game is the Indian state occupying Bangladesh.

 Time to clinch the world and drag it out of the dark ages.

Laddy Poppins

 (This post is a mess. I've felt a pressure in my head when I began writing it which fizzled out to simple light-headedness as I neared completion. Take that into consideration.)

 (Post-publication caveat: At one point I mention I've developed a proneness to lashing out at people. By this I mean I may raise the volume of my voice passive-aggresively, not that I resort to physical violence or threats as definitions of the idiom would insinuate)

 Well, it's good to see that I'm still going insane. Really makes you think huh.

There is no winning against the darkness.

 I was planning on making a light-hearted post about how two of my teachers are really "woke" and/or "truth-pilled*" after one had made some remarks on current geopolitics and how she would rather see Trump president rather than his opposing contender and another showed subtle hints of awareness of fringe, ideologically extreme internet communities.

 Well, an unfortunate sequence of events had to put an end to that post.

 It debuted with the "guidance**" class that was reassigned from its intended day of being held to today, and after all administrative concerns were solved our form teacher began pestering us. About various things.

 The former week she asked us to give her some feedback on a piece of paper by writing and responding to some general themes about how she has handled the class. Feedback about what we liked, disliked, would like to see more of in her management of the class.

 She attested to noticing how most classmates desired some reinforcing of the classmate-to-classmate bonds that are rather absent in my class. She also admitted she would try her best to help the group "clot***".

 Then she begins to pester us about the general conviviality of our classroom, peppered with some discussion about a prom which I am clueless if it is our class who is participating it or merely the new 9th graders who will organize it and the class is discussing it for some odd reason. And how she felt left out, when during the class trip (Which I did not participate in), as she was setting up a camera to take up a picture of the class, nobody invited her in the crowd so that she may be included in the picture.

 During this I tried preparing myself for a dash to the class door, but hesitated knowing that she may follow the prating with some more information that would be relevant to the school schedule or documents we have to bring in at the start of the year. She didn't, and by the time I realized this I've already made her alert of my intentions by dishing out a few snide "Can we leave now?"s when she paused from talking. Planned on running out of the class and undermining teacher's authority like a smugster, ended up only squirming around in my chair with my backpack in hand and getting reprimanded twice or thrice like the cringelord I am.

 This wouldn't have been as bad if she had not forced us to stay in class well beyond the time a regular class would have lasted.

 Then I get home and everything seems to go well. The weather was very grey and since my mood seems to be tractable when it comes to being affected to the weather I was pretty gloomy, but otherwise calm.

  Then my little brother**** comes to me asking to help him download some game he used to play on a previous tablet that had since been proven to have been defective since production and replaced with his current one, asking me to show what games he should uninstall to make space for it. I pick a game of his at random (It was an idle game - And those are by design meant to swell up more and more) and he intervenes and tells me to not delete that one. I tell him that he know best what games he doesn't like so I leave the uninstalling to him. Then he comes sobbing to me telling me that he's uninstalled games and he still can't download it, and I shoo him. Not the most brotherly thing to do, but there was nothing more I could have helped him with.

 Now we need some frame of reference - In recent months I've noticed I'm more prone to lashing out at people over less, being brazen and raising my tone. This is especially the case with my little brother whenever he rages at one of his games in a room adjacent to mine allowing me to hear him. Especially when he begins swearing, which is just a rod of hot iron poking me deeper into reality as I'm trying to escape it on the computer, because I've been partially an accomplice in aiding my little brother in "enriching my vocabular" (I often avoid swearing now, if that somehow vindicates me). But my parents and his classmates were definitely a stronger influence on him than I was. Back on topic, when he rages I get especially frustrated and usually come to confiscate his tablet when he passes my threshold, which is often changing in location depending on my mood. This is tackling a symptom but not a problem, which is the fact that he is really spoiled. I plea that if I were to try and make my brother live a more functioning life I would have to do so in aspects that might upset mom, which would incite her to take away my computer resulting in no gains being made. As such I resort to just isolating myself in my room and being grumpy to anybody that disturbs me.

 Frame of reference given. This occurence has obviously made my brother even more hysterical than usual, to which I respond to being even more wroth than usual. I take his tablet again and am more hostile to him before isolating myself on the computer and typing this post. The crux of which I can finally get into.

 The stress I've had today has made me feel a sensation in the top-left part of my brain. I'd describe it as a pressure. My right arm and leg also felt very faintly numb, but I've seen no differences in my eye sight or other symptoms of brain injury. Still, this is a worrying precedent and I'm anxious that if I keep on this attitude of volatility I could be very well having strokes at 30. Or even earlier. Who can tell?

 This is the last and core sentence of my post, to which I've dedicated all these paragraphs to as a foundation: If you're somevody that stumbles upon this blog in a period of inactivity that has lasted for over a year, you can be certain I've popped a brain vessel and I'm dead. Let's hope this will never be the case.

___

 * - Original meme lingo do not steal

 ** - I am still thoroughly clueless as to what an English analogue for this class's name would be.

 *** - That is the exact English translation of the word she used. Which has very negative connotations in its English version though in Romanian it is also an innocuous synonym to strengthening. I've also about the potential strokes I'm concerned about having to face further on in the main body of the post. Meme magic at work.

 **** - I rarely if ever bring him up in this blog. That's because there is minimal interaction between us two.

Staying alive

He's supposed to have the blanket folded over his lap near at that distinct difference in the shading between the upper and lower body. I might This is something I might be able to fix, though. I also messed up the shading on the door.

"What are you doing?"

"Drawing bad pixel art."

"It's early in the morning. Why on Earth are you drawing bad pixel art?"

"Because I've lost control of my life."

 There were a lot of events I failed to cover in my lazy frame of five days I've avoided this blog. I've went through my first two days of actual school programme and they went along nicely. Some very relevant news is that my weaboo acquaintance has returned from two schools after having went through a week of participating in the classes of two nominally high-calibre schools. His classmates allegedly made memes of him, but other than those memes being normie image macros (Pictures with top and bottom text written in the Impact front on them) I've been incapable of squeezing more information out of him. He's shown to be much more convivial with me than how I remembered him last year - I guess I can stop beating around the bush and actually admit that he is a friend of mine, but "I have one friend" doesn't have the same ring to it as "I've had no friends for over one year now".

 My schedule has also been subject to some large changes. Chief amongst is the new classes we will take this year, two of which are Psychology and Entrepreneurship. The first class of the former was spent doing some short reciprocal introduction between the teacher and students which was followed by the teacher having us write the definition of Psychology in our notebooks. I've already forgotten it.

 Entrepreneurship was an entirely different matter. Judging by the name, I thought it was going to be somewhat of an economics class, but our first class was spent writing down and discussing what factors one should account for when deciding to sign up for a job. So in that sense I suppose it is meant to be a vocational class.

 What was most unusual however happened yesterday. But it requires copious amounts of context.

 When school starts, it's customary to give the form teacher a ceremonial/symbolic gift. Most often it's a boquet.

 My mother, being the absolute socially attuned and mentally healthy individual she is, thought that it would be perfectly ordinary to give my form teacher two boxes of chocolates that together would weigh about five hundred grams. While it wasn't that odd, it would've stood out as a gift when compared to the bouquets brought by the children that - or, more precisely, whose parents - had decided to be considerate enough to offer some. So instead I take it upon myself to carry out a devious masterplan - I avoid trying to bring attention to myself and getting myself in a weird situation and abstain from giving form teacher those chocolates. I lie to my mother about having given them, and sneak the plastic bag with the boxes in a concealed location. For the first two days of the week, I eat half of the contents of both boxes, because I'm still trying my best to dodge mother's ambitions of making me put on back the weight I've lost this summer. The third day my parents brought some supermarket cookies home and I could not restrain myself from helping myself to some, but to counter the calorie gains I could have incurred upon myself I do not eat another quarter of those chocolates. The fourth day I guess I forgot or didn't bother to eat more of the chocolates. The fifth day mom goes around trying to order some things in my room (Though I'm well capable of doing that myself and do so when it is necessary) and ends up finding the bag, and forces me to shut down my computer for the day and she takes my monitor and system unit into father's room. As promised, I have been granted access to them the day afterwards, which is to say today.

 And I'm upset about this because to some degree of consciousness mom knows my computer is my jugular. I refuse to put on back weight? She'll take my computer away. I do this incorrectly? She'll take my computer away.

 And I let her take it away that day without a fight. I'm not even willing to fight for the little I have. Even as I sit here typing and being fully aware of how my inaction will be the doom of me I probably won't intervene if she is to take it away again on some whim of hers.

 I'm just another failure of a human being of the kind produced by a post-traditional West. And I deserve nothing short of oblivion.

MORE pixel autism

 Some signs of getting better at this are not presenting themselves to me.

 This picture was actually inspired by the following Stellaris species portrait:

 You have to give it to Paradox, even if the game itself is nothing but a framework waiting for some upcoming cut content DLC whose vacance is currently substituted by mods, it's still some good imagination fuel.

 You might be seeing me use these guys in a galactic conquest AAR (After-action-reports - Simply put, taking pictures of the game you're playing and coming up with a story as you go along it) because I feel I've rediscovered the motivation to write one. Expect a new iteration of the failed "Stellaris Adventures" blog to be propped up.

The DANKEST TIMELINE

 Before diving into the spice, I just want to say that school today went smoothly and I found out that tomorrow instead of regular classes we will have only two hours of mass. The day afterwards I will have English classes with my form teacher and hopefully tell her what crazy things happened in it.

 Now we can resume the memes.

 Hillary Clinton's publication proclaimed that Pepe is a white nationalist symbol and has followed her statement with assigning to him an erroneous genesis as a meme.

 At this point we're short of a formal declaration of the culture war that's raging. And this culture war has many fronts. One of these is the memes.

 And memes are the only thing I have.

(No more significant news right now. Feel free to skip the wince-inducing alternate lyrics I've contrived for this song with this occasion)

THESE MAYMAYS MAAADE US

THESE MAYMAYS GAAAVE US

A LIFE!

THESE MAYMAYS NOW

MIGHT FADE AWAY

THEY'RE CRYING OUT

I KNOW YOU THINK YOU CAN'T CONTROL THIS

 I'VE SEEN THE WAY A CROWD CAN TURN

I'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING I'VE GOT

AND STILL THEY WANT TO WATCH IT BURN

THESE MAYMAYS NOW

MIGHT FADE AWAY

THEY'RE CRYING OUT

COULD BE TOO LATE

THE FIRE RISES

LET THEM FAN, THE FLAME!

I'LL GIVE YOU ONE MORE WORD OF WISDOM

IF YOU'RE TO STAND AND FACE THE GATES TO HELL

YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN

YOU'RE ALL YOU'VE GOT

THE TRUMPSTER COULD FAIL US

WITHOUT THE MAYMAY'S MAGIC MIGHT

THESE MAYMAYS NOW

COULD FADE AWAY

THEY'RE CRYING OUT

IT'S NOT TOO LATE

THESE MEMES NOW 

WON'T LAST THAT NIGHT

DON'T LET THEM DIE

WITHOUT A FIGHT

THESE MEMES NOW

WILL FADE AWAY

These memes made us.

No one can save us now.

School's beginning

 Wasn't that bad.

 I had to attend a speech held by the principal, and then me and the classmates I managed to find in the crowd in the courtyard headed for our classroom, where our form teacher explained us the drill about the paperwork we were meant to fill.

 She also told me she's noticed I lost weight.

 At this point I also find out that not only my weaboo friend has left the school - Which I anticipated, but also that the girl sexually assaulted by subhuman #01* went for another school. Perfectly understandable. Girls in this country are more often than not treated like items**. And anybody with half a brain knows there can be no victory against the subhumans. You can only run, shelter yourself and hope they go and be subhuman somewhere else***

 Anyhow, after the brief explanation the class was supposed to go to the Church situated near the school. The procession was short, and then the form teacher offered to take us for some (non-alcoholic, evidently) drinks. Though by the time she managed to regroup the class only a few other classmates proved to be enticed by the proposal and we went to a nearby restaurant/cafe/thingy where I ordered a cocktail and almost forgot to pay after the group dissipated and I had to return to the waitresses cleaning up our glasses, apologize intensively and give them their money. I could've gotten away with not paying because they haven't yet counted the money they recieved but if I don't even at least try to maintain a pretense of civic awareness I'm no better than the thugs plaguing the nation.

 I didn't even get to tell teacher about how crazy this summer was when accounting for Brexit and all the political memery that's happened. I'll seize the chance when the first English class comes about, no doubt.

 Completely unrelated topic:

 CNN called Pepe a white nationalist symbol.

___

 * - Recurring character in the anime that is my life. 

 ** - This isn't even your western feminist babble. This country has a serious problem with authentic misoginy. There is chivlary, and then there is ghetto gopnik culture.

 *** - As a refreshener, in case you're a newcomer to this sordid corner of the internet (mercy be on you), I define a subhuman as a person that shows less empathy and/or intelligence than that expected of a normal human being. The aggressive ones are the only ones that are cause for concern. I'm not a white supremacist or anything - I'm just ahead of my time :^).

IT'S OVER

Well it's been fun lads. The year-opening ceremony of my school starts in a few hours and this will mark the beginning of my 10th grade.

 I've done nothing notable this summer but grind Runescape levels and do some pixel art in the very final days.

 And it all trickled by so fast.

Even more pixel autism

 One could say that my first two drawings had some redeeming qualities to them and their critique could still hold onto its credibility.

 This no longer holds for the following drawing:

  Tried to make an anthropomorphic frog (that wasn't meant to be Pepe). Failed spectacularly.

 The second is more presentable:

 And it was drawn with a possible animation in mind. I will create a Pixeljam account soon enough to stop clogging my blog with these. Not that there's anything more worthwhile to be read here anyways.

 Another fun fact is that SCHOOL STARTS IN TWO (2) DAYS. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

More pixel autism

 I tried my shading prowess with this one.

 It turned out even worse than anticipated.

Earnest work paid back its worth. And other mishaps of chance.

 I came back from the orthopedic doctor, and got my exemption from phys ed. At the clinic I also got the chance of weighing myself.

 I weighed only 79.5 kilos, clothes on. I can approximate that this means I weigh 79 kilos.

From the 92 kilograms I weighed when I was 13, weight which afterwards likely peaked at about 100 before I decided to lose weight, this was some adequate progress. The doctor I visited advised against losing more weight, largely on the reasoning that I need nutrients for developing during what's left of my puberty. An idea I can get behind if I actually follow a healthy diet and not the animal fodder my mother will continue giving me - But I wouldn't mind shedding even more fat to reach 75 kilograms.

 According to this BMI calculator, and assuming I'm 1 meter and 85 centimeters tall (Could be taller - I didn't get the chance of measuring my height), I have a somewhat swollen BMI of 23.1 - Which could be a perfect 21.9 if I am 1 meter 90 centimeters tall. Regardless I've fallen - Or, dare I say it, floated up from - the overweight category.

 Mom blew a gasket because her definition of what constitutes a healthy weight is as real as the magic she believes witches paid by our grandparents cast to impede us. Still, I profited from this window opportunity that mom's panic to get a pepperoni pizza from a nearby pizzeria and I ate it all. I feel somewhat guilty, and suffice to say I'm not eating anything for dinner. I'll fake eating if I have to. A nourishing diet can wait until tomorrow.

 A somewhat strange - funny wouldn't be the word -  incident took place during the walk to the restaurant, though. Me and my father were meant to meet with mother there. So father and I take the bus, and I seat myself somewhat distantly from him. When we reach the stop nearest to the bus I'm still off into schizoland and it takes me a few second to realize I have to get off the bus. I do so, but by the time I do my father got up in the bus because he thought I had forgotten to. I beckon to him, and he fails to leave the bus before it shut its doors and left for the next station. He arrived to the pizza store a dozen plus minutes later very displeased.

 Let it never be said dad doesn't have a reason to hate me.

THE PROMISED POST

 This is possibly over ten days due at this point. I don't even know. I've lost my grasp on time long ago when my sanity was shedding itself. My mind is just turbid fog at this point.

ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAR FACES

 So, maybe ten days ago, I decided I was in the mood for going on a trolling spree on a forum I remember having a poor trolling experience on when I was younger - Back when I was only starting to initiate myself into the madness of memery. I decided that maybe now is the time for a second round that would yield better results.

 Now that I had a VPN, I decided I should use it. Not because I was planning on doing anything illicit, but if I risk getting on someone's nerves a bit too much I'd rather take the precautions of hiding my IP. So I try to boot up my VPN, and remember that my account on it has the email I use for this blog - Which would make me vulnerable to some easy tracking if the trolled were vehement in exacting vengeance upon me. I push on nevertheless, nervous, and in trying to start up the VPN my internet connection goes crazy as it sometimes does thanks to the cheap WiFi adapter I have which has the tendency to disconnect whenever it feels like it. During this fiasco my mother shouts at me to come get my lunch - She acted angry for some reason that was no fault of mine. She tends to do that.

 I leave my computer's convulsing attempts to reconnect to my internet to get the damn steaks she's cooked, and I arrive to see that they were genuinely unappealing. This isn't even being finicky. Still planning to lose weight I only take the most aesthetic one, put it on a plate and go upstairs back to my room.

 She yells at me to get some steak, I tell her I've already taken one piece, show her the plate, and due to many stressful factors (The enmity that hadn't settled since the incident where I called her out on her schizotypal behavior, my adversity towards the food, my attempts to lose weight with an overbearing and nutritionally incompetent parent, and also the fact that my computer venture was going badly) I call her an idiot. Or a word synonymous with that.

 She gets angry and ordains me to stay off the computer for the rest of the day, warning that she will take my monitor and make father place it somewhere in the apartment my family owns in the city centre*.

 My father gets home and once he finds out what I did he shows me a chapter of Deuteronomy which, to paraphrase, said something along the lines of the Kingdom of Heaven is reserved only to those that respect their parents. Little does that know is that I'm going to hell for worse whether I'd had called my mom an idiot or not.

SAVE ME FROM THE NOTHING I'VE BECOMEEEEEEE

 Afterwards, he comes with an offer of having to choose between recieving a belting of twenty hits or not getting pardoned for sport participation the next year. Because I wasn't really in the mood for an anime showdown with my father I opt for participating in physical education for school. It could've helped me lose even more weight, who knows, but my mother talked my father out of doing either to me. I would have a far harder time with my parents if they did not hinder one another as much as they do to me.

  That same day my father took me and my little brother to the hairdresser in the neighborhood.

 This was another unfortunate event, as I got the horrible haircut I've been having since then. It was customary for me to cut my hair extremely short once it grew too long, to the point it gave the aspect of having been recently shaved, but in the timeframe between my penultimate "ritual" cutting and this last one I realized that very short hair looks very bad on me, especially when wearing glasses, and I'd rather keep my natural shaggy because it fits with my ill-minded personality more. Keeping my hair as it was wasn't an option given that my mother was angry with me and I would be better off outside the house for an hour and a half, I go to the establishment and grossly underestimated the length I should have ordered my hair to be reduced to.

 It was virtually the same as the ones I had before, and my hair's not been hasty to grow itself back.

 After this altercation everything settled down to normal and my family is acting like this had never occurred at all. But I do tbh, and now father's alleigeance is clear to me.

 It never had to be like this.

 But hey, at least I have memes. Without them I'd have pulled an old fork-into-outlet long ago.

 A few days later we went on the trip to a city different from the last one visited, and it was alright. We visited a museum and a few landmarks. I could say that it had the potential to be a very enjoyable experience if I didn't have to be on the lookout constantly so that mother didn't make a scene. Being terse as usual because I don't want to puncture my tire, so to say, if I decide to be a virtual cowboy that does mischief from one oasis to another.

 And today I will have to visit an orthopedist with my mother to be excused from sport for another year. Reason being is that I broke my arm pretty badly some years ago and it's still faintly bent, which indicates a risk that it could break again if I decide to get too competitive in a phys ed. Dota's just as good of a sport anyways :^).

 On a very final note, I picked up Runescape again. And my subconscious celebrated this by me attempting to pick up pixel art, starting off with trying recreate my character's head in GIMP.

 You're lying if you think this is good.

  ___

 * - I don't know if I've previously stated this, but my family does have property outside our own house; Consisting of two apartments, one which is rented to somebody and one that is vacant and used by my father occasionally. But I wouldn't say we're upper class. If my mother wasn't absolutely inept and my father wasn't completely apathetic, we probably could be, but momentarily management of what we have is very poor. Even so, it's all redundant wealth at the end of the day. I just want a good computer to play and surf the internet on.

Weight loss update

 I'll have to make a very brisk update on another recent revelation.

Turns out I was never as fat as I'd imagined. I was still somewhat overweight, but less so than my physique suggested - I was actually just suffering from an affliction called "dip hips" - Where instead of having regular hips there is a recess in the middle of what a normal person's hip would be, making the upper half of the hip appear as if it is a sideways extension of the stomach. Which would be the explanation for what looks like the stomach receding at the front and not likewise recede at the sides.

 Conclusion - I wasn't that fat. I just have horrible genes.

 Someone gas me please.

DARKEST TIMELINE

 Instead of talking about family issues that happened about 8 days ago, I'll complain about something else I just found out happened.

 The second generation of Bionicle got cancelled.

 For the unversed, Bionicle was a line of toys produced by Lego which had two "generations". The first one started before I was even born and when I had a comprehension of English adequate enough to start enjoying the rich story of this franchise it was already cancelled. I had some toys from before this moment, but being a very spoiled piece of trash I dismantled all of them to the point I was both too lazy and unknowledgeable to put them back together. Their pieces are scattered now, probably never to be put back together. Genuinely a shame.

 However, I happen to have had a deeper connection with this franchise than what little interaction I've described would beget, and that is because the second 4Mao board I used to browse after /tg/ was /toy/, after a quick browse and finding out they had a Bionicle general. Turns out there was still a living community, which indirectly helped me immerse myself in the Bionicle world as I checked links to games or other media they would sometimes forward one another in the general.

 Then the second generation was announced. It was a reboot, so while the basic premise of the original series would remain, the lead writers would take story in a different and less convoluted direction. I bought myself a Kopaka (A character that's pretty much as mechanical as me tbh) figure, and my little brother demanded some other sets of the first line. Then Bionicle fell from my rader.

 Today I feel in the mood for some "nostalgia" and check the "Mad World" song I used to link a lot in the earlier days of this blog. I check the comments and one mentions Bionicle getting cancelled for a second time.

 I check out a few sources, and turns out that this is true. And the figures and aesthetics of this series seemed pretty cool.

 This is it. This is the darkest timeline. Brexit won't go through. Trump won't become president. Nationalistic parties will turn out to have been just a flash in the pan in the following European elections. Islam won't overturn European society, but instead it will assimilate and the descendants of current European muslims will shed their faith in favor of materialism.

 Worst of all, this means there will only be more people like me out there.