Something is happening to me

 I've started... exercising.

 If you told my fat Runescape-playing fundament this during the summer I wouldn't have believed it. But I lost weight, and the slipper slope now has me doing this with heavy books*:

Art really was for me huh.

  To increase the breadth of my upper arm. I'm not sure if it's going to work (I've only been doing it one or two times for maybe five minutes for three days now, plan on increasing my time delegated to this), but my muscles hurt after trying my thew with it enough. Pain means something's ripped, and when a muscle is ripped that means it's going to fill the gaps in a way that will let the muscle endure more stress the next time it is subjected to it, if it's supplied with protein.

 For short, that means "sick musl gainz"

That signature radiates authenticity... Don't sue me Bennie.

  I've also been doing some of these ab exercises after much deliberation:

p r o p o r t i o n n' p e r s p e c t i v e

 I'm not doing too much of it, but what I think is best about this new habit of mine is that I think it has affected my enthusiasm in a good way. I read another bit of that philosophy encyclopedia yesterday (Not that much, admittedly) and today at school when I found a lack of things to do I actually grabbed a paper and wrote a small experiment in creative writing** on it instead of idling around. My English as always can use some honing but I was satisfied by what prose I concieved there. I think I'll upload it in a day or two if I can manage the bother.

 And it might have maybe, just maybe made me more confident. I feel it did so in more of a general feeling rather than is some specific area.

 I don't know what to add. I think I might be at a crossorads of brain chemistry. It'd be amazing dope if I snapped out of my depressive, reserved behavior and started to place what skills I have on the proving grounds. If I turn into a Chad and a future me reads this post because he wants to look back on the old times: EAT YOUR SHOE. DO IT. JUST DO IT. MAKE YOUR FORMER SELF'S DREAMS COME TRUE.

 Swapping topics, my blog hit this milestone recently:

I swear a third of these are mine.

 And interesting things are occuring in the US presidential elections. I noticed a pattern in the polling, and I extrapolated that this approximatively what polls will shape up to by the end of the election:

 This is how they progressed thereafter:

 Much more abrupt than my prognosis but all that trying one's hand at getting fit must have opened up my chakras to divination powers.

 Looks like I'm not going to die in nuclear fire. All the more reason to get /fit/, then.

___

 * - It's a heavy book ok

 ** - Well, it's supposed to be a full blown project but let's say that for all intents and purposes the small amount I wrote is an experiment.

Dumb briefposting

 This post will be brief mainly because I want to share a meme I made about my priorities which fit in with what just happened today. I had two take two tests, one for Chemistry and one for Physics, which are arguably the subjects I'm worst at. But the Chemistry teacher was clement and I managed to squeeze a 5/10 by placing the right amounts of hydrogen atoms next to carbon atoms in a chain of them and accurately classifying the atoms as "Primary, Secondary, Tertiary or Quaternary" depending on the amount of links they had adjoining them ot their neighbours. It was one of the few things I kept in mind from all those classes.

 I was pessimistic about my (impromptu) Physics test, but with enough asspulling and guesswork about what calculus to perform I think I've secured myself a 7/10 where I thought I'd get a failing grade.

*

    There's also some more good news around the corner:

 I'm not going to get nuked but will instead enjoy the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to live concomittently with the first meme president of the US.

 ... But this is early voting. Trump supporters are more elated and this proves it, but that doesn't mean they are more numerous. Hope holds.

 ___

 * - "Studying philosophy" is a stretch because the last time I touched my philosophy encyclopedia with the intent of reading it was two days ago (I did make myself heavylift it yesterday for a 20 minutes if going by a generous estimate). I'm probably not going to touch it with that intent today either, but I do need to exercise my flimsy upper arms**.
 ** - For all the convenient words English has I'm surprised there isn't one for that part of the limb. You failed me anglos.

Forefront of the issue

 I did that echography today, and it turns out every organ in my abdomen works perfectly and is adequately developed. So this rules out a possible bladder stones. Which means the problems I have when going to the bathroom come from further below.

 I will cease discussion about this topic by stating that if my condition does not ameliorate within two-three years I will have to undergo an operation that will make me eligible for entering one of Soros' palestinian nuclear bunkers when Hillary declares war on Russia :/\).

 What I'll instead do is veer on the topic of my abdomen. After having lost weight and maybe put back on some**, I now have a narrow but protuding somatch. I'll refrain from posting a visual representation drawn in MSPaint to not upset the stomach of the unfortunate reader. I ask the doctor*** that was conducting the scan on me if the shape of my stomach was "normal". He politely told me that that is a muscular issue.

 I come home thinking that I might try to actually do some exercise to improve my shape. My arms especially could've used some help because after losing weight their brittleness/slim shape (compared to what I think is average and in proportion to my chest) has been emphasized.

 Then I get home at somewhere around 18:00 after getting myself some junk food and eating half a bag of chips and drinking half a large bottle of ice tea****. Then I try to weigh whether I should read more of my encyclopedia of philosophy, use it as a substitute for a barbell for my arms because mother won't buy one for me as I finish a segment of a podcast about Roman history, or do some ab exercises. It's 19:40 now, but at least ab exercises are out of the question and trying to improve my stomach in a way that can't be noticed is just vanity. And I don't care that much about attractivity (I'm persisting in starving myself of human contact in hopes I really will stop craving companionship*****)..

 I think it's going to be listening to that podcast while heavylifting that slab of a book. At least I'll better be able to pay attention to it than if I was rather playing video games.

___

 * - I AM going to kill myself at some point in the future, don't worry.

 ** - I'm still firmly in the middle of the average threshold of the Body Mass Index if my height estimations are correct.

 *** - A kind, helpful old man with the "Genocidial 20th century autocrat" whiskers on his face.

 **** - Getting health conscious.

 ***** - Voluntary or not I am going to be alone, due to factors outside my control. Might as well want it.

 I tried to read up on Aristotle as resoluted in my last post. Emphasis on tried.

Aristotleanism and Aristotles both amounted to only 12 pages, a number which was initially a surprise but given that the encyclopedia I'm reading seeks to encompass most philosophy that existed up until the time it was published (Somewhere in the late 60s) it shouldn't have come as one. Still, I only managed to read maybe 4 pages.

 I know some new things about Aristotle - That he was more of a career scholar than just a professional philosopher and his other works tread on matters other than just logics. His biography was self-standing, but the former part, "Aristotelianism", had its coverage of how interpretations of Aristotle's works given the circumstances of them not having been intact throughout history presented in a way tht behooved some anterior knowledge from the reader. Which might prove an impediment on further reading of the book.

 Then I just lost interest, I think. Looks like I'm not that ready for all these sick brain gains yet. I'll have to keep on trying.

 ... And holy moly guacabowle my writing was pretentious this time around. Maybe all this reading and obsessive definition scavanging is actually showing results.

tfw to smart for colloquial English*

 My Romanian is garbage and my English is too verbose. From the frying pan into the fire.

___

 * - There's a noose in the picture but it becomes visible only if the viewer is smart enough tbh

4crisis

 It appears that mention of an individual affiliated with the Correct The Record superPAC's name yields the poster a 14-day ban on 4chan. (I'm sure not testing this because I need my dank meme fix.)

 Some are suspicious that the website has landed in the lap of this CTR. Though frankly I doubt it because even somebody as out-of-touch as the democrat grannies that run CTR would realize there is no winning to be had by dissoluting the internet hate machine, because the hate would just spill elsewhere. Or so I hope.

 ... if not, and something really happens to 4chan (But I doubt this could have consequences worse than some controversial decisions made in 2014), it would be the symbolic fall of the... old? internet.

 This adjoins with a new topic I wanted to adress this post. The "old" internet, which I define to be the internet as it was in the dozen years from 2000 to 2012. I was sadly too young to experience it to its fullest, but I still engaged with it in some ways. Watching youtube poops was a past time of mine and flash games were my smack.

 What I'm trying to get to saying is that it was better. The internet was rife with trolling - in all its forms on this green earth. One'd be walking his way in a FPS with poor textures and happen upon an image of a man flagrantly spreading an orifice of his. It was more sparsely populated and functioned at a slower pace. There weren't the social tensions there are now. The memes were in their infancy.

 Nowadays the internet is vyed for by corporate interests, any site worth visiting is really just a social network by any other name, and better be careful to add a "BUT THAT'S JUST MY OWN OPINION XDDDDDDDD" any time you try to criticize something acclaimed or you will face the retribution of a thousand indignant users.

 There wasn't the SJW dilemma. If one knows where to tread, they can still be avoided, as they seem to congregate around fandoms or interests that also happen to attract people on the far-right of the political spectrum (As can be seen in the case of grand strategy games). I guess that's really a consequence of repressed racial and class animosity in the US which created a climate very favorable for this new phase of progressivism.

 ... It was crappier. A "that old worn down farmhouse I used to live in with my parents before we moved in the city" brand of crappy. Crappy one melancholizes about. I really, really wish I could've experienced those times beyond their very late stages and reading up on sites that are nothing but relics of the period*.

(Normally I try to avoid referencing vulgarity on this blog because the only thing cringier than a teen deliberately censoring himself is a teen swearing. But I want to feel some feels.)

 ... This was all pretty dumb. Nevermind.

 Dad finally brought the encyclopedia I requested home. I expected it to be of the contemporary kind, with colors and an illustration here and there. It was actually revealed to be an eight-volume beast with and estimated 2000 pages of small, black on white print. The introduction was pretty eloquent and if I make a habit of reading this it will have a better impact on my English than listening to a fat British men whose persona is an ancient Emperor or audiobooks I don't pay attention to as I play video games.

 I'm going to start with Aristotle and his teachings because he seems to be the philosopher I align most on the hypothetical - That is, how I believe society should be organized for the betterment of man, etc. . Personally, from the little I know about ancient philosophy I'm more of a classical cynic, wanting to live a reclused, frugal lifestyle without necessarily being ascetic.

 Then I'll probably read up on marxism, not necessarily because I concur with the philosophy (I'm more of a light state capitalism dude), but because it's the one I'm most knowledgable about, having listened to the entire communist manifesto and having preserved attention for the most part of the playing. This should be really telling of my current knowledge of philosophy.

 I think I could've taken advantage of the privilege that is my father's library maybe a year earlier, but never too late to start huh? I'm gonna be a real philosophy buff once I'm done with this. Albeit I probably won't take to reading the book head to cover anywhere in the close future.

tfw going to make sick brain gains

___

 * - A certain... encyclopedia would come to mind.

Title

 I'm currently facing an existential crisis/mental breakdown/depressive episode/depressive fit/anticipatory anxiety/vivid speculation about how my future will turn out so might as well make a blog post through this torrent.

 So Civilization 6 was released yesterday I think, an people seem to be overall content with it. The blemish that almost does it for me, the very sluggish movement of units, seems to be back in force times over with some terrain like hills even becoming unpassable for infantry in certain circumstances.

 Nonetheless I'm still interested in getting the game because it momentarily seems worth the price tag. Though it might be that I'm just pressed to make another impulsive purchase because all the games I currently own bore me to tears when I try playing them. My birthday is right up the corner so it could serve as consolation in the likely case Trump gets Hillary'd or as something to celebrate with if the stars and digits align to make him win.

 While the game is 200 local currency units here, I've matured discipline and financial responsibility enough for when I'll need it and I think I may as well exploit the three years and ten odd days I still have remaining of financial privileges granted by living with my parents.

 The point could be made that the sum isn't even that large*. Just as an example, today I had an ecography scheduled, to see if I do suffer from a bladder stone I've been suspecting for a time. But some further thought has led me to believe that the cause of some issues I'm experiencing might be something else entirely. These are details I really don't want to get into.

 Returning to the focal point, my parents take me to the clinic, at which point my mother talks with the cashier/clerk, signs the required papers for the both of us, and the receipt I recieve reveals that the fee for the process would be 150 of the local currency. I'd say it's not even that outstanding, seeing this was issued by a private firm. It's definitely not on the level of United States pricing.

 But it turns out that the detail of my age was lost during the process of my mother reserving this analysis for me, and the doctor which was supposed to conduct the operation tells the cashier he does not/cannot operate on minors**.

 So the analysis is cancelled, and we get a refund. Mother asks when can she schedule an examination with a doctor that can perform on me, and she is told that that will be Tuesday. She acknowledges this and we go home.

 There wasn't really anything ulterior to this event. I'm just trying to bloat this post because writing has proven to be soothing. Maybe it does because it helps keep me anchored in reality.

 I'm really losing it. I keep saying this, but each day it becomes truer.

 Oh well. One last curious happening, I stumbled upon this post on /his/:

  I hope I'm not compromising anybody by typing what I'm about to type but here goes nothing. The scenario portrayed bears an uncanny resemblance to the climate of the 9th grade I was in, and I speculate this could, albeit unlikely, be my history teacher.

 Progressive area? Check. In the very least, I live in one of the more developed parts of the nation.

 Lesbian student that talks about tumblr a lot? This is the only fragment of the story that doesn't really concur with my 9th grade. Back then a girl still used in my class (The same one that got groped by the character I endearingly christened subhuman #01***) who did browse tumblr, but she did not explicitly declare her browsing of the site, to my knowledge. Nor am I sure she was a lesbian, as she had a proffessed passion for Yaoi****. Her demeanor could have been generalized into such a description, however. I'm not sure if my history teacher would be willing to generalize this much.

 I've gone on enough with that point.

 Anime recommendation? Well, she was one of the three kids who had anime as one of their hobbies, so it's not out of the realm of possibility that she recommended the teacher (a big man, with a ponytail, that looks like a retired wrestler) Hetalia.

 Hilarious troll student? That could very well be me. I really wish I didn't have precocious dementia and remember if I actually did tell my teacher this. I definitely would've done this if this took place in the class.

 He also called me one of the smartest kids in class so if he really is behind this post it's good to know there's somebody out there that appreciates me.

wake me up inside

  What does this have to do with anything? Well, my teacher could browse /his/. That's a cool tidbit of knowledge on its own.

 But he has obliquely let on to what could be some awareness of imageboards in-class, in-person. I was supossed to retell this in a post about how "woke" two teachers of mine are but never got around to writing it, so I'll be telling this now.

 One of the kids in my class is a wehraboo - That is, he's got an appreciation for Nazi Germany/Hitler and from how I've observed his behavior it's because he thinks it's cool and not because he has any logical reasoning behind his position***** - and he happened to bring up something that made my teacher go in a bluster warning of the dangers of neo-fascist and neo-communist communities and their insidious outreach on the internet, how younger minds that are looking for belonging are much more susceptible to their rhetoric, etc. . In finalty, it fell on deaf ears because the kids in my class that flirt with these kind of ideologies will either outgrow them or never be able to be persuaded otherwise. What is not predicated on logic cannot be dispelled by logic.

 However, at some point he dropped a very specific detail about far-right online communities that greet themselves with "88" as a code/dogwhistle for "hh" or "heil hitler". This was definitely something that got into imageboard territory, and to drop a pebble and see how much it ripples as it were, I try to add something about some other habit of /pol/ posters (I forgot what exactly it was that I mentioned - this was a while back) and the immortal Pepe the frog. He nodded with somewhat of a smirk on his face upon my mention of this, but the commotion in the class as he did leads me to believe that he only did it to show his approval of me trying to contribute without having actually gotten the faintest clue about what I said.

 Or maybe, just maybe, a bit in me really hopes that the rabbit hole really goes deeper and I have a teacher that is 💯💯 woke and knowledgable about the culture war that is raging on the internet.

 But he's probably not.

 I'm closing off this blog post with attesting to the fact that I added some more words to my wordbox*******, but it seems like my brain has become completely impermeable to them - I could remember the meaning of none of them without having to look at them again. It's always been like this with the wordbox, throwing allegorical unidetified substances at an allegorical wall and hoping some of them stick, but this time none did. Have I hit peak vocabulary? Fortunately it might be only because I'm tired.

___

 * - Well, it's going to be when I'm a dead-end translator working for a stipend a book. Hence trying to exploit my circumstances while they last.

 ** - I'd guess the latter if he did not get specific credentials for pediatry.

 *** - To tell the truth, I have come think he's less of someone that is genetically predisposed to be thuggish and more of a victim of poor economic status. He's still a scummy being, but that does not mean I'm not discrediting my theory on a genetic hierachy in society by labeling anybody I don't like a subhuman.

 **** - Yaoi is basically this:

 (It's anything but)
 ***** - Unlike me the epin crypto-fascist that wants the parental-figure-substitute state to take away all the mean people that say mean things :^).
 ******* - Basically a repository of words I don't know accompanied with their definitions executed in the hopes of improving my English as my Romanian is absolutely pitiable.

Author's Note (Written the same day as the post was published): Please nevermind the last part of this post, concering the article. I've completely missed the point of it and my reading comprehension is still garbage.

 The point about me being genetically deficient stands.

___

Today was an... intresting day.

 My history teacher unintentionally sloth-shamed me today. For some reason my weaboo acquaintance* wanted me to accompany him to the nearest students were typically allowed to approach the teacher's lounge so he could deliver some paperwork, I think. He never explicitly told me his intents, or I've forgotten them.

 Once there we happen to be in the proximity of the history teacher, who approaches me after he finishes some conversation of his, and starts a conversation by asking what I'm currently reading (history-related, implicitly), reason being I'm very active and inquisitive in the class, pretty eager to ask questions about some historical periods which I happen to be interested in at the time given, which should (rightfully) make the teacher think I'm actively trying to learn history out of passion.

  I try to admit to him that I'm not currently reading up anything and that I instead just listen to audibooks and podcasts as I play video games, and he immediately retorts that that is a bad idea. I say what books I'm currently in the process of listening to at the moment upon further inquiry: The Art of War, the Prince (My second listening, in hopes that I would glean what I wasn't paying attention to in the latter half of the three hours. Ended up tuning out even more often after I came back home) and a podcast about the History of Rome.

 I actually highly recommend it, the commentary isn't overwrought and it's swollen my wordbox a bit.

 This prompted me to ask my father for any books of classical historic accounts or philosophical pieces he has he might have in his apartment in the city centre or in the library he works at, English obligatory.

 I'm surprisingly looking forward to reading after a period of pause, as yesterday when the class was doing their Phys Ed. I took out my first volume of the Lord of The Rings and read through the first chapter in the free hour I had at hand, since I'm exempt and couldn't leave school early because we have Physics class after PE. I've atonishingly been able to pay full attention to what I was reading and had a clear image of the first chapter's sequence of events after finishing it**. As opposed to my previous experiences with reading where I hazed out often and only had very poor context of what was happening in a book when I regained focus. This should be good.

 Our final three classes were supposed to be spent with out form/English teacher, but as she was ill her substitute took us to a library near the school, said library being focused on "American studies". Little of note happened in the visit, save for me asking an employee trying to give the class something short of a guide what are the job prospects for studying this particular subject in University. She gave me a response about how it offers various employment in the US, etc. , and I can't remember the subtleties of the tone to recognize if I struck a nerve***.

 But we got off early, can't complain.

 I get home, and in high spirits I expected Trump to make a killing out of today/yesterday's debate (They air in the middle of the night here, so I can only see them after school/), because surely if the first debate was poorly performed and the second was adequately, Trump could perform well the third time?

 From the reactions to the debate I've noticed on the internet there certainly was a killing, just not of the right people. I've not marshalled the guts to watch the debate itself.

Hmmm............ Really goads your lobes huh?

 Trump's unproffesional, but at least he won't start a nuclear war and he will give some elan to nationalist movements in the West.

 Now why would I be preoccupied about the fare of these movements and the breakdown of globalism?

 This news I found out today is maybe a reason:

Now, I'm aware this organization does not really have an authority on what and what doesn't go around in nations, and that the source reporting this has a blatant right-wing bias, but better make sure this organization stays as powerless.

 What a wonderful way of encouraging dysgenics, isn't it? I know my place in the genetic hierarchy, and due to it I don't intend on having children unless the situation changes drastically****.

 And here these people from the World Health Organization are, encouraging the populace to find sexual partners. The people that will take to this advice are the hooligans and pathologically dumb and violent, which are overall as bad as me but suffering deficiencies in different aspects. And after becoming comfortable with their (equally deficient) partners eventually they'll reproduce. The nerve. Reeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

 Or this might be a red herring and I'm getting worked up over nothing. I'd wish.

___

 * - I already forgot the Japanese nickname I gave him a few posts back and I'm too lazy to scour for it.
 ** - I'm a pretty slow reader. I experience a different delays of varying length in activities I partake in leading me to believe that I might be literally retarded.
 *** - I wouldn't say striking a nerve was my objective, but I can't deny acknoweledge the possibility of doing it before asking the question.
 **** - Nor am I that set on finding a spouse, for the matter, though I might have somewhat warmed up to the concept if by luck a person I'm compatible with happens to share a class or workplace with me. But I won't spend the energy actively looking out for "the one" if we don't coincide spatially.

 I really don't feel like doing anything today. Functionally nothing. I opened up Stellaris and tried playing it as I listened to a second part of a podcast about the history of Rome. After 14 minutes of the podcast I just couldn't keep paying attention and I closed the game because I didn't feel stimulated by it at all. I don't even feel like opening any of the others either.

 I get into my bed and snuggle in a blanket I have and stay still for a while. As I sink lower into the mattress I cognize the fact that I should really try to do something, so I linger there a bit before going downstairs and getting my English books to do a homework I vaguely remember being assigned to us last class. I get in bed again, open my textbook, and flip the pages until the most recently written one to see that I need to browse the internet to finish this homework (Which, more exactly, was to write about a contemporary explorer and cite three different valid sources.)

 I gave up for the time being and remained in bed and shortly inspiration smacks me with the idea of doing this homework with the catch of sprinkling some of my characteristic cynical snark on it as I do so. Maybe write about some explorer that died tragically.

 ...I get on the computer and spend my time writing this post with occasional breaks where I do absolutely nothing that can be considered mindful browsing - It's more akin to just opening and then closing tabs you're not interested in anymore. I'm still going to have to do this homework because I did get stricken with another 3/10 for skipping homework hitherto.

 Something else I wanted to write about is that my birthday, which is on November 9th, is fast approaching. Just in time to see Trump lose. I puked the day I turned 14, I get to see a presidential candidate that won't embroil his nation with a rival that neighbours mine fail to acquire tenure when I turn 15 and at this rate it'll escalate to me getting hit by a truck when I turn 16.

 Is this how it ends?

Turning over an old leaf

 So here I am at the end of a weekend I've spent doing nothing worth mentioning and writing a blog post grumbling about it

 Really lost control of my life. And as a person with a negligible modicum of sanity left I'm not content with thereof amount of control that still presides over my life. Which is an issue I have to address.

 I've placed a lid on pixel art and even after reconsidering my decision to give it up I am vehement that it's best to keep Pandora's Box sealed. Yet the desire to do something good which I can take credit for remains, and there is a recourse I've set aside for a good time now.

 As much as my previous writing didn't bespeak quality, I really have to do something unless I want to snap. There or nowhere. Begs the question if the latter doesn't deserve more consideration.

 But for now I incline for the former, and that's not the worst of it - The most I am inspired to write at this point is somewhat of a self-insert story.

  I've not even decided on the details yet. What is guaranteed is me timorously and obsessively placing warnings that the story will be cringy at the beginning, end and description of the piece if I decide to display it on some website. And instead of a power-trip story lacking in self-awareness like My Immortal it will be brimming with jabs at my person, and I as a protagonist will be either a loser, explicitly the villain, or both, and I will execute this in a heavy-handed manner that will invoke no amusement in the average reader. To the more educated skimmer it will become evident that the joke lies not in the work but the existence of the author's person itself.

 I sustain some semblance of hope that this will be cathartic, in the least.

 I'd ask myself where did everyhting go so wrong.

 But English ain't gonna learn itself.

Hmmm...

  Really makes your cortex reach apex huh?

Keeping the noggin jogging.

 (Author's note: Posts that go on about a subject tend to lose their initial direction and go around in cirles after a certain threshold of words. This is one of those posts. I'm too lazy to check for misspells let alone rephrase entire paragraphs for comprehensiveness. Read at own discretion. If you want me to clarify something you could comment, I don't kill)
 I'm in an even more passive disposition than my standard issue working order but I have to do something constructive this weekend which might be me getting this post out there.

 Preventive notice: This post will be rife with variations the "really makes you think" meme.

 It's a good meme.

 Three things really took my brow in tow this recent span of days.

 The briefest to present happened today, when we were writing and discussing some information about fairy tales in Romanian class. The case study was a specific, somewhat archetypal version of such a type of fairy tale. What is important is that this fairy tale, as did most others, featured some Emperors assigning errands and issuing challenges to prince charmings.

 It's a stretch to call me a history buff, but I know my generalities. And knowing that this country has always been a crossroads (An apter analogy is that of an ulcer tbbbh Trianon worst day of my life never forgetti) of Empries before its recent unification.

 This made me lose cool of my skull by raising a question that has also intrigued the teacher - If the nation's proximity and engagement with benevolent or animous empires had shaped the rural population's folklore so that it incorporated such figures of authority. She responded that should most definitely be the case, in short.

 We advance in the lesson and reach a point where examples of assistant characters that work alongsides the protagonist of the story to defeat the antagonists. Some recurring characters named after the days of the week are given mention and at this point I rasie my hand ask if they are supposed to be anthropomorhpic representations of the weekdays. The teacher responded that they're closer to deities as a concept.

 Not musing on this didn't bode well with the lobe - In class I associated polytheism with the Dacian pantheon, but in hindsight these deities could have also been introduced to the population by the pagan slavic populations to the east. Nevertheless I ruimante on this and inquire if the fairy tales we have written down could retain distorted vestiges of Dacian oral tradition that have otherwise disappeared. She also confirmed this, but I decided to give a try at keeping this question of mine in mind for the next time we have history class and ask the respective teacher about it.

 And this brings us to the next evocation of contemplation. But for that I need to describe who my history teacher. History is a pretty cool guy, eh refutes authoritarianism and doesn't afraid of anything.

 Memes aside, he's a very good teacher that is in my opinion outperforming for the kind of school he is in. He's willing to answer some history-related questions I have every class especially if they pertain to the lesson's topic. He's a good source for where my father would have some issues, though he's not free of biases myself. Where my father idolizes the Catholic Church and is always ready to vindicate Austria-Hungary, my history teacher would seem inclined to believe the Church is the devil manifest* and he does view things through a more humanist lens. Both perspectives offset one another into a deadlock that lets me pick the facts and form a better image of what happened throughout time.

 Okay, time enough spent on that paragraph. Time to get to the pulp of the real thinking. Two days ago our history teacher acted as a substitute because another one couldn't come, and since we didn't have our notebooks on us he dedicated the hour to discussing what he could with a few enraptured children. I was one of them, and tried maintaining a discussion which was rickety for an abundance of requests from the behalf of other curious classmates. And also because I'm an autist with barely coherent speech** (and writing, for the matter).

 Less important was a short exchange on human race, which stemmed from something about totalitarianism being brought up, where I stated that while race in the "traditional" (conventional would have been the better word) does not exist because humans are themselves a race of the hominid genus, there still is some genetic variation between humans across the globe.

 Then I make a contradiction that is very stupid in retrospect. I say that whether race exists or not doesn't matter because in the ideal system - a hierarchic meritocracy - people would be ranked only according to their skill, and if some races are worse they will be relegated to the lower ranks while their talented members could still ascend. He didn't have the time to argue against my stupid argument besides one or two sentences cut short by the others, but I had plenty.

 One, if there is a belief that some races are superior or inferior, regardless of whether it is true or not, would this not make the human evaluators of skill in various circumstances biased against members of the supposedly inferior race even if they exhibit more prowess than the members of percievedly more proficient races?

 And what does an ideal organization have to do with race not mattering? By definition an ideal system is not feasible so race remains a problem.

 Really makes you think huh.

 He's a saint for enduring me, I'll give him that. But there's more.

 Still on the subject of race the discussion drifted on how to deal with the minority population in the country after some real racist*** remarks by a few classmates. He condenses the concept of affirmative action and social programs to them and how this can help. After he's done I decide to give my own take on the issue, which is conjunct with his when it comes to granting some privileges to minorities for the while it takes them to integrate. What I believed was necessary in addition, though, was that we need increased intervention from authorities. If my teacher believes the state should intervene so that minorities can drag themselves out of adversity, I believe the state should drag minorities out of adversity. But as amiable as he is as a person, his personality is also imposing, which made me beat around the bush of believing that some eggs have to be broken to make some eggs. That is, attendance of education from minority children must be closely supervised, and violent perpetrators of poverty culture have to be neutralized****.

 Because at the end of the day, poverty and poverty culture are the two snakes of an ouroboros. Where poverty creates poverty culture, poverty cultures creates an attitude that instill rectulance to make one's fortune licitly. Which only creates more poverty for the affected.

 So someone has to step in and break this cycle from one end. While at it, break the cycle from both ends - hence me believing we need social benefits and affirmative action to combat poverty, and police intervention and active suppression to destroy poverty culture and help minorities assimilate.

 Authoritarian? Yes. But also effective.

 So teacher didn't really change my mind on this. What he might have, though, is my adoration of authority figures. Long story short, earlier in this whole discussion I make allusions to preffering authoritarian regimes and methods. Nothing too descriptive of what those really were. But for each time I offer authority or things begotten by authority as a solution or alternative the teacher always shot them down with the accusation of this being just a craving of a providential authority figure.

 And the thing is, he's right. I've cognized the fact that maybe my desire of a strong, authoritarian state that brings order and social cohesion might spring from a lack of proper parental figures. And insecurity. And other personal flaws. And my Kenyesian take on economics might be a subconscious product of my consuming various games where the responsibility of developing infrastructure was put in the hands of an all-powerful player. But this was all introspection, and his observation seemed to confirm it.

 R-really m-makes you t-think, h-huh???

 I want to cut down on the excesses with the third situation because I've meandered on enough with the second.

 Two days ago we had dirigency class. Teacher organized it in a way that would have children give their own insight on what could be done to curtail chitchat in classes and strengthen a sense of colleagueship between the class' constituents. At some point I honestly state that I do my cleaning duties when it's my turn, go to school, and consider that that is where my duties as a member of the class end. Later on I pedantically try to correct a classmate's statement that, (very loose paraphrase) "we are put here together to form a group/clique". I say that we are actually a group of children because the state does not have the resources to allocate to teaching smaller groups of students. The form teacher says something, which I forgot. She says something, which includes an accusation of political correctness.

 I'm kind of startled by this statement, because I though my cynic outlook on life was anything but politically correct. Not up to date on her definition of the concept, or even if she was operating under the progressive western or soviety definition of the idea, I wait until the meeting is dismissed to politely and amiably request a clarification - Turns out she wanted to say that I just take words too literally and that my classmate referred to us being together on a more psychological, relational level.

 That was a rile up over nothing.

 Really makes ya think huh.

___

 * - Hmmmmmm...... Rly maeks u think......

 ** - Yet it seems I've improved from my last year at school, somehow.

 *** - By this I mean authentic hate towards a group racism, not "I like to call people slurs on the internet" racism.

 **** - Don't get me wrong, I think these perpetrators should be neutralized indifferent of their ethnicity, it's just that those that belong to disprivileged groups are more nocive in the short and long runs.

Trumpet vignette*

 I feel like this post really needs to be made but I am not exactly under the drive to write it. So I'll keep it brief. I have to make a semi-abjurement of Donnie to cover for myself.

 Accusations of rape targeted at Trump have surfaced in very short succesion today - And I'm inclined to believe they're likely an expedient political move. Some claim that the timing allows the women to get the attention they need to get justice - But if that was the case these belated allegations could have been made whilst Trump was still in the primaries in the earlierst.

 Still, if they prove to be true, could only be my luck I guess. I still want him president because I don't want to be caught between a rock and a hard place with Russia nearby.

 If they aren't, business as usual, posting dank memes and enduring his gaffes for the possible inauguration of a meme revolution very close to the date of my birthday.

 So future leftcom antifa forces holding a weapon against my head, if you're reading this post, please don't execute me. I don't see Trump as some flawless Paragon, just as a means justified by their end.

___

 * - EPIC lol XDDDDD

Post title

 My mom decided that what is left of my waking minutes this night would be well spent by venting out her frustrations on me, It all started with the impression that I hadn't eaten much today*.

 Shee keeps on with her regular ramblings, that I'm somehow behaving the way I am to deliberately spite her. She also throws in about not asking me how long it's been since I last prayed** and then slides a remark about my grandparents actually casting spells on me to weaken my faith***.

 What was the highlight of this exchange which enticed me to make this post was when my mother threatened that if I keep this up (She never clarified exactly what she was dissatisfied with), once I become 18 she'll cut contacts with me just as she'd done with other people in her life, provide me with housing and a monthly indemnity and leave me on my own way. I tell her that if she gives me an apartment that would become my parents' property if my grandmother were to die (Which is unfortunately a possibility in these slightly over 3 years.) we'll strike a deal.

 Maybe something else is said by her - I wasn't exactly paying every ounce of attention - She asks me if I want to have a family. I just respond to her that it will be my own decision.

 The best thing about my plan to voluntarily retreat in the confines of some cramped apartment to live a lonely life is that it's actually feasible given my current situation. I have an endgame and I'm going to play it.

 Momma's getting no genetically deficient children from me, among other things.

___

 * - Which is true to an extent. Last night I just noticed I've put weight back on and while it's nowhere near my previous levels of body mass I'm still disgusted with myself and on my way to dieting again. I'd have liked to write a cohesive post on my health but I procrastinated too much so that these few paragraphs are all I can squeeze out.

 ** - 

Feelsapostasicman

 *** - Here's to hoping this was only an American protestant thing.

Quick to be upset tbh

 I decided that since I won't do anything worthwhile today I might as well open up Dota2 since I've not played the game in a while.

 The first game I play is spent with me breezing through my enemies and getting an item at the end of it. Not one that I will ever use, but it's a sign of being fortunate. Good on me for picking a baby-level hero.

 Maybe life won't be that horrible.

Art isn't for me.

 I gave up on even trying to make an outline for that car driving drawing. So I decided I'll go back to what I started prior. After opening up that griffin drawing again and taking a good hard look at it I decided it's good form to say this has been enough do declare an attempt and throw in the towel. Art isn't for me.

There is a very long story behind this picture. A story for another time.

 But at least it can never be said that I haven't tried. I have my genes, family and world stacked against me and without a shadow of a doubt this is the case and not just an excuse for me not to break a sweat. I tried losing weight, I succeeded. I tried writing, I failed. I tried drawing, I failed. I've tried extending in most directions and found the nooks, crannies, alcoves and niches of my boundaries. This is all there is to it. This is all there is to me. There are some things I wasn't born to do. And no amount of manufactured motivational phrases are going to change it. You can't believe something into reality*. I'm still trying to wing it with English, but it seems that my habit of forgetting two words for each new one learnt is persevering. 

 I had an okay day at school I'd have liked to write about today's post but I'm just having a breakdown now.

 And I have nothing to turn back to. I've lost my religion, my morality, I don't enjoy any of the games on my hard drive that much and at this point Trump's loss has become official.

 There really is no winning against the darkness.

 Let's have a song for old times' sake.

 ___

 * - Meme magic was disproven this election.

Bad pixel art coming along!

This is the top result for "affront" on Google Images

 But if my progress on my other ongoing drawing is anything to go by I can redeem the proportion and perspective of this given time. I'm really, really bad at drawing regular art with a mouse.

 Oh well. Endearing still of a cute griffin and knight put on hold for more metastasizing persona art. How did it go again - "Let's go boys" ?

Title

 I got home very anxious about how Trump has performed this debate because I lost all confidence in him with the previous one. But I still want a president that won't get my city beleaguered by Russian militas damn it.

 But it was miles better than the first one. I was already articulating my post commentating this in case Trump lost, planning on starting it with rhetorically asking where the high-energy primaries Trump that dished out hot rejoinders and made insidious personal attacks went. No need to write this now, because there's still some of that Trump in him, but he's strained and stretched so I'll let this go.

 One significant complaint aside from the usual*:

WHY THE HELL DIDN'T TRUMP BRING UP HILLARY'S SAUDI DONATIONS WHEN SHE ACCUSED HIM OF RECIEVING FUNDING FROM RUSSIA.

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 Nige did well, looks like. He better, because he needs to give as much power and appeal to nationalism he can. 

 For the second topic of this post I'm going to make an update on that pixel dreck I've been trying to work on: I've not progressed on it since my last post regarding it, and I think I'll start working on a new one. Not because I've quit on it like I did on the portrayal of a defiling army, but because I hope that working on a drawing in a smaller resolution will help me in finishing this one. (It probably won't. But one can hope.)

___

 * - One of the usual being that his parlance is outright cringe-inducing. If somebody gave me an autism-curing concoction I could articulate speeches better than his. I'm saying because I don't think I've explicitly state what some of the things I don't like about and I want to avoid looking like a complete hack.

Weaponized autism

 I FINALLY finished my project - Whose deadline has been pushed off once again due to the disorganization in presenting the projects at our English class so far. They were being presented at such a pace that it took us multiple classes for maybe three each (Teacher wants to occupy one of the two hours we have each day we take an English class with something other than the presentation). The class still hasn't presented all their projects, the last of which are expected to be presented tomorrow. Teacher decided that we can work on them until then if we haven't gotten on it, and undertaking which I started and finished today.

 And the results are glorious. I promised her a presentation that would rock the socks off of anybody present in the class as it is being shown. Well, it probably isn't in the way she took it, but at least the english is intelligible.

 What I'm most proud of is the memes at the end. All hand-made (As much as a template meme can be handmade).

 At this rate I'll kill hte woman with weaponized autism.

 ... Other than that, I just want to say I hope Trump doesn't mangle today's debate (Tomorrow, very early in the morning in my timezone). He's had a shortage of failure to disappoint.

Today's been a bad day.

When you start losing so hard you start enjoying yourself along with your opponents

  Someone leaked a recording of Trump discussing some p l-lewd things and It appears this is damaging what was left running of the Trump train. I'm not too elated about this, but nor too distraught - If I wanted Trump in the office for his character I'd have given up on him much earlier.

 So it's becoming diminishingly likely that Trump will win. Guess I'll have to acquiesce with this.

 Also got yelled at by my parents because I had my door closed and couldn't hear them asking me repeatedly if I wanted whatever superfluous meal they planned on cooking next.

 These two events concurring isn't really a mix for motivation so I will have to put off continuing my pixel drawing (I'm genuinely rectulant to make that damn flexed leg because I might destroy a so far okay drawing).

 But I will finish it. I have to.

#I'mwithher

 Just found a somewhat old and discontinued app that used to be pretty popular on a site I frequent. Helps in premeditating how to prepare for the end times if Hillary really gets NATO to fight Russia.

I really like my tea, okay?

 You won't be getting me just yet, Ivan.

No title tbh

 Incidents occured whilst I was inactive.

 Two days ago two classmates decided that they would have some-light hearted physical fun and one ended up (purportedly without the intention) pushing the other head-first into the window hard enough to crack a glass door located closer to the end of the class. We have two doors because the area of our classroom used to accomodate two but the adjoining wall was torn down and it was refurbished for its current use. This happened Wednesday.

 Thursday our teacher had everybody in the class write a declaration each, and since I was on the other end of the class when the accident took place I very embellishedly wrote that I had no clue what happened beyond what seemed to have had. Coincidentally we had our dirigency class today, which was spent with the most informed witnesses trying to attest to what happened and discussion of other administrative concerns.

 I ended up getting myself in a situation where I acted even more audaciously than ususal (if one was skeptical of the possibility), when the topic of consulting the camera feed emerged. I ask teacher if I was captured doing anything incriminating by the camera which happens to be in my vicinity. Not being in the most tolerant of dispositions she tells me she'd have notified me of bad behavior if I was guilty of one and that the universe doesn't revolve around me (I've had the tendency to do some attention-demanding things so far in high school, hence her telling me this). I send a rejoinder her way about how relieving that was in a condescending tone, and this among some other insolent behavior which stemmed from another conversation later in the class which I can't recall* in detail made her rather frustrated with me.

 Which goes contrary to my d e v i l l i s h plan to scare her with signalling (partially) insincere depressive and suicidial tendencies. (In large part) (jokingly) hinting that I want to hurl myself from an elevated attitude won't have as large of an impact if I just bothered her a day or two prior.

 But that was about it for school. I'd like to take the discussion to another topic.

Is it getting better? Or do you feel the same? Would it make it easier on you if you'd got someone to blame? You said, Make America, Great Again, When it's all turning out, to be in vain. One campaign, we got to share it. It left us, Donnie, though you've cared for it. You cared for us, Donnie.

 I support Trump even though he is a pretty shady person, not for who he is but for what he could bring (or could've brought) about in Western society. Is it sad that this is who gets to represent the new right against the new left in these times of a shrinking neutral ground? Maybe.

 But there is something more opportune about why I'd like Trump to win. He's on good terms on Russia, while Hillary might just get NATO in a war with them. And believe me folks, I'd rather die alone of heart failure at 70 in a cramped apartment after a sedentary lifestyle and having exhausted all possibilities of the future's medicine than at 21 after getting carpet bombed by some outdated Slav fighter plane because I happened to be born at what will be the front of an anti-Russian war.

 I even took an Isidewith.com text for old times' sake and seeing how much I align with the other candidates ideologically. I thought I might be more #Ill4Hill than I thought but I unbeknownst to me I was still a Trumpster despite all the swaying uncovered corruption has incurred on me.

 Like the little narcissist I am I'm a sucker for being placed on a spectrum**, as would be the case with the results of many political and psychological quizzes. So again for old times' sake I'm going to post screencaps of how the website weighed me on certain dicothomies.

Over six varangandillion hours in MSPaint went into compiling this single picture.

 It's overall pretty accurate I'd say, but I'd like to clarify some things:

 I'm ranked so far off into the "Environmentalist" side because I'm very concerned about global warming and focusing on retroactively mitigating as much damage of it as possible. It's perhaps one of my most fervent disagreements with Trump and enough to make me not completely rue a Clinton presidency provided I don't get killed in Russian crossfire.

 But I'm only an environmentalist insofar as Humanity's welfare is concerned. If we could upload our brains in chips and store them in a space station or deep in the ground we could nuke the Earth into a permanently inhospitable tomb world for all I care. Sapient life is what matters.

 Another glaring section is the Isolationism vs Imperialism scale, which is a 0 despite being "more important" to me. I think it's because I said the US could make Cuba its 51st state along with being in favor of intervention against ISIS (Don't want to get beheaded 2bh) but would otherwise have the US eschew from conflict.

 "Populism" is also an odd one out. But I don't know the criteria they use for scoring it so me answering some economically left to some inquiries might have painted me as a people's person. I'm actually pretty authoritarian as far as the norm goes and I appear a centrist because it appears my extremes cancel out.

 Really makes you think huh.

 I've not started work on my pixel outline again because I've felt rather low-energy today so I suppose I will have no choice but to spend my day on memes and browsing the internet because I've been unussually apprehensive about drawing the fully flexed leg on the Griffin.

 I WILL do it, just not today. I'll have to rebuild my composure for now.

 But I really WILL finish this. And it will be TREMENDOUS. YUUUUUGE.

 

___

 * - It's not fun and games anymore.

 ** - *Hint* *hint* Rly maeks u think eh...