I got it into my head that I will act upon a "Suicidial memer" persona which was sparked by an inquiry of hers. For the neophytes, the "suicidial memer" is an ongoing theme of memes on certain parts of reddit and tumblr*. Here are some pictures associated with this current:
What sparked my behavior for the two hours was my teacher asking me if I could be able of being a more positive person or if I was capable of writing more positive things.
I immediately realized why she was asking me this. Wherefore? She read my medpen(tm) composition on that test I took a week ago.
I am going to write this post with newbies to the blog in mind because this is too good (Maybe pretty cringy in retrospect but yolofam). So bear with me.
A week ago I took an English test as the class did. The final item of it was requiring the student to pitch a product, imaginary or real, and give some made-up contact details for further information about the good and its purchase. I decided that I'm going to contrive the cheekiest composition I can.
There's no point in describing it when I actually transcribed it on a different piece of paper before having to hand the tests in, after we've been given them to check if they've been assessed correctly.
It's been jotted down on paper definitively, and it will now be immortalized in the digital medium. BEHOLD:
"Do you suffer from unpredictable epilepsy? Anxious that your convulsions will get to you in the middle of an important business conference?
Forget fretting! With medpen(tm), a syringe concealed with** a convincing replica of a top-quality pen, you can inject yourself with you life-saving, nerve numbing drug on the go!
And to top it off, if you order this product - Which I'm so grateful exists - within the next then hours, you will recieve a limited edition medpen(tm) which doubles as a crutch - You know, just in case.
I've been using it for the last few months to keep me going in the fight against a fascist insurrection coiling around the heart of the US, and it's not failed me once***.
For a measly sum of ten thousand grand, you too can place an order for your medpen(tm) by contacting www.hillaryclinton@gov.com.
Have fun and seize seldom!"
And this follows back into my mention of teacher asking me if I could perhaps turn up the positivity a bit. I have an autistic**** personal vendetta against positivity of sorts. To paraphrase I tell her that I'm not a positive person and that some people are not born to be positive, or something to that effect.
And this is where my memory gets cloudy.
I remember that the first English class was spent writing some sentences that were intentionally stretched by using phrases that could have been substituted with a word - A good part of which I didn't know. (Flights that occur on holidays or special occasions - Charter flights).
I very faintly remember that I did drop some memey joke as the class was progressing, which I think was well recieved, but I can't for the love of me remember even what the gist of it was. The other memey remark was dropped at the end, and before and inbetween these I contributed to the actualy class itself in trying to find out what were the words meant to replace parts of a sentence.
Neverminding that, the second remark was done in response to a response of the teacher to some solicitation of mine. I can't remember what the soliciation was*****. But teacher responded that she will fulfill/respond to it if I apologize for talking so much during class******.
I respond in a tongue-in-cheek, a moderately but still derisive high-pitched voice, "I'm sorry for being so mean!". This gets another good reaction, from my classmates, feedback which reassured me to take the crazy to the next level in the upcoming class. I improvise a desk name plate out of paper and write "My jokes are ironic, my depression is chronic", with a tearing laughing emoji face being a placeholder for the "o" in "ironic" and put it on my desk. Everything afterwards is a blur.
And other than the fact that I was in a drained (of anything but my snide juice) mood as this all took place I don't recall anything well. Which is even worse than usual for me.
Let's hope this was some random occurence that won't happen again. But more to the point.
What do I plan on accomplishing with this behavior? Well, despite how erratic it is, I do actually want to convince my form teacher that there's something wrong with me and will continue to allude to low self-esteem, suicidial ideation and the like. At worst, she'll be scared for me but won't try to inquire what makes me upset and I will get some kicks I can reminiscience about when I grow older and browse older posts of my blog. At best she might try to console me, at which point I'll redirect her to the school psychologist so she can inform herself about what I've told the latter about my current family issues and the former might try to help me.
I'm looking forward more to the latter though. Because nothing beats devlishly disquieting suicidial-ironic humor.
___
* - I ussualy dislike reddit's memes but this one is exempt because it's so good and relatable. Tumblr gets a pass because most of their ironic memes are transformed and appropriated into new memes by my favorite Myanmari imageboard and viceversa. Albeit I go kosher when it comes to the communist subtext of this "suicidal memer" trend.
** - Should've been "by" tbh.
*** - Zesty reactionary subtext >:^)
**** - Redundant for describing anything I do.
***** - (WAKE ME UP INSIDE)
****** - I wasn't even being one of the more disruptive students in the class.
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